


A Past to Remember

by ASnackForAlways



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Eventual Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24776377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASnackForAlways/pseuds/ASnackForAlways
Summary: What happens after Donna decides to resign? Will Harvey convince her to stay, or will he be too late? A story based on the events of 7x13 with a little bit of a twist.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

DONNA'S POV

"I'm sorry Harvey, I had to know."  
"Our lines have been perfectly clear for a long time."  
"Our lines are as blurry, as lines can get."

Ever since she was promoted, Donna's world has been turned upside down. Professionally she loved every aspect that came with being the COO. Having more power than before, being finally recognized for her years worth of loyalty and dedication was nice. She enjoyed everything that her new position offered, but personally she wasn't that lucky.

Yes, she had friends and family that supported her with everything, but there was one thing that seemed to cross her mind lately. It was her relationship status.

Even though she appeared to not care about it that much on the outside,it started to bother her , she had her fair share of relationships but none of which were serious enough for her to even consider the next step. There was only one who came close. Mark Meadows. He was a great guy, but as the time passed, they found that they wanted different things and ended it. Different things meaning, meaning that he made her choose between him and her work.

That seemed to be a constant pattern with all of her relationships though. Ever since she started working for him. It was always an issue with her past lovers. He was always the issue. But who was she kidding, she wasn't all that innocent in all of this. Whenever he needed, she was always there for him. Whether it was a day or a night, she was always there. They flirted, laughed and drank together. It was always like that between them. Ever since she walked into his life back in 2004.

They always came as a package. They knew it, everyone at the firm knew it and even the clients knew it . Well, almost everyone knew. Fourteen years have passed and there wasn't one woman in Harvey's life that made him choose the impossible. Except for one. Paula Agard.

She was always different. And Donna, being Donna, knew that she was not the one for Harvey ever since he started seeing her. Over the years Harvey has dated a lot of women but there was something about Paula that didn't sit right with Donna. She might've helped Harvey with his panic attacks as his therapist, but ever since she became involved with him it felt like he was distancing himself from her. And that bothered her. So much so, that she felt lonely and empty.

Ever since she could remember, she kept whatever she felt bottled up deep inside of her, but these past few months everything seemed to come up as the days passed by. Once she saw Paula standing in Harvey's office, it felt like something inside of her snapped. Usually poised, calm and strong, Donna did something out of character - she called Mark. To this day she didn't know what made her snap, but when Mark suggested that they meet at the hotel room, she accepted. If it wasn't for Rachel, she would've made the biggest mistake of her life.

Not only that, but everyone would've hated her. Especially Harvey. She knew that every guy, that she's ever been with, has bothered him. If he knew what she would have almost done, he would be definitely pissed.

There she goes again, thinking about him.

How could she not?

They have spent almost every minute of every day together for the last fourteen years. It was their longest relationship. A platonic one, but stil. No matter what the other thought or did, they were on the same page, most of the time. They always influenced each other's actions. They were always there for one another. Whether it was her parents divorce or Harvey's father's death. They got through it together.

She always thought that she did all of that because it was her job, but she was wrong.

Once she started working for him, back at the DA's office, she felt something. At first she thought that it was just a physical attraction. But as the years passed, and she got to know him better, she started to feel something. It was something that she hasn't ever felt before. So intense, and yet unrequited. Love.

Yes. She loved him. How could she not after fourteen years of knowing him? There was not a day when she didn't think about all the what if's and all the missed yet here she was, alone in her office thinking about everything that happened and also about how all of that lead her here. From Paula, Mark, that kiss and everything that happened after that. It was a lot for her.

Specially today. Her and Harvey were on a thin thread lately, but today was the day when everything in her just gave up and conversation with Paula didn't help either.

Goodbye Harvey. Please consider this my formal resignation.

As she signed the letter, Donna wiped the tears that were streaming from her her eyes and sighed. After all these years, she's here signing her past away. For what? Years of friendship, loyalty and trust tainted by one person. She knew that, when Paula made him choose between them, she had to be the one who chose. Not Harvey. She couldn't let him make the wrong decision. And she also couldn't be the second choice either. So, she took the easier route and decided to resign.

Gathering her things, Donna left her office and made her way to Harvey's. Crossing the threshold of his office, she was met with a wave of emotions. Looking around, her gaze fell on the record shelf. All the late nights they had while listening to them. Then she spotted the record. Miles still didn't believe that he kept the record, that she accidentally scratched when moving them. Moving on, she saw the painting. She could still feel his warmth as she came to stand next to him after hanging it. Turning, she made her way towards his desk. Turning her head, her eyes lingered on the basketballs. The surprise when Michael Jordan signed with them still on her mind. Shaking those thoughts away, Donna took a deep breath and put the letter on Harvey's desk. Along with a personal one. After taking a second look around the office she wiped her tears away and made her way to the lobby, leaving the past and memories behind. As she made her way outside, she hailed a cab and made her way home.

Harvey's POV

Another case won. Just like always. His professional life was thriving. He was the best goddamn closer New York had. Even Though he missed Jessica, he settled into the role of managing partner easily. He was promoted, had the money and everything that came with it, but his personal life was suffering at the moment.

You see, he had a girlfriend. And she was great, but there were some things that started to bother her. The way he had placed some things around his condo, his drinking choices and if that wasn't enough, she also didn't like his Miles Davis. That was normal though, right? Not everyone has the same taste. But that's not what he was struggling with.

Lately, Paula had been showing some signs of jealousy. At first he ignored it, but once she uttered Donna's name his whole body stiffened. It was the first time one of his girlfriends has ever mentioned her in such a way. He didn't know what prompted her to do that, because over the years not one of his girlfriends have expressed their concerns about his partnership with her. Not even Zoe nor Scottie. They all knew that he and Donna came as a package deal.

They always did.

Lately not so much though. As much as he enjoyed his relationship with Paula, it made his relationship with Donna crumble. They became more distant. Things were not just as they used to be. They didn't even tell each other everything as they used to. He didn't like that.

What he didn't like more, was Paula's behaviour after the dinner they shared with his mother yesterday. It affected her so much, that she told him to choose between her and Donna.

"If you keep working with Donna, we won't survive."  
"Are you asking me to fire her?"  
"I don't know what I'm asking, but if feels like there are three people in this relationship,and the last time it felt that way, they were."  
"Paula…"  
"I'm sorry, Harvey. I just can't do that again."

Ever since she said that, Harvey's brain was in overdrive trying to figure out how to resolve this. How does he choose? Who does he choose? It was really Sophie's choice.  
How could he choose between them? Does he flip a coin? No, this is not that kind of situation. If only it was that easy. Things were different now.

And maybe that's one of the reasons that pushed him to do the things he did these past few months. Or maybe it was something else. He hasn't figured that out yet.

It all started when Donna left him to work for Louis and his panic attacks were the ones, that brought him to Paula Agard. Once he crossed the threshold of her office and saw her, he was met with something. A year later, he kissed her. It was something new, freeing and different.

She was just someone that made him turn off his thoughts and he needed that at the moment. Someone who's not that difficult and doesn't bear the burden of all these expectations from their shared past.

How could he make the choice?

It's not easy now, and it wasn't easy years ago, back in the dinner by Donna's place. The first time he had to make an important decision that concerned her.

It might've been Donna who approached him first at the bar, but once his eyes landed on her, he was smitten.

Yes, there was physical attraction from the start, but when she told him that she's not looking for sex, he knew that she was different. Yes, she was beautiful, he can't lie about that. But after their talk, he saw that she was smart and quick witted too. And that was one of the reasons why he agreed to work with her.

As the months passed, and they became closer. His feelings became more present, yet he couldn't recognize them. He could've pursued something when they were working together, but she had a rule. And he respected 's why he was glad to have resigned, because it meant that he had finally chance to pursue something more with her. Once they did, he was happy. But that didn't last long, because the next time they saw each other he was asking her to work for him again, in return, she asked that they forget about their night and act like nothing happened if she were to work for him again. He agreed.

Over the years, they have build a partnership like no other. They were the duo that everyone in the legal world knew about. She might've been only his secretary, but she knew him better than anyone else. She knew everything there was to know about him. From his coffee order to his favorite cologne. She could tell how he was feeling, thinking and what he wanted to do just by looking at him.

As the days got by and became years, he got to know her more. He loved the fact that she shared every little detail with him. That she could show her vulnerable side with him. He knew her just as much as she knew him.

That's one of the reasons he agreed to promote her. It was time that, after all these years of loyalty, she was rewarded by a promotion.

And that brings him here, in the back of his Lexus, deep in thought on the way back to SL.

How does he choose between someone he cares about and someone.. Actually both sides involve someone he cares about. And that's why he can't choose. He also can't fire Donna. It might sound selfish, but the firm needs her. He needs her.

Harvey's thoughts are interrupted when he notices that Ray has stopped in the parking lot of the firm. Saying his goodbyes to him, he makes his way to his office.

After he gets off the elevator, he makes his way towards his office. As he opened the door, he knew instantly that she was there. He could just tell. Once he crossed the space towards his desk, and saw the letter with her handwriting, he just knew.

Sighing, he picked up the envelope, gently tugging it into his inside pocket of his jacket. Then his gaze shifts to the other, more formal, letter. He doesn't pick it up. Just stares at it, completely frozen.

"Please consider this my formal resignation."

Once he reads that sentence, his breath stops, heart begins to race and small droplets of sweat start to appear.

Did she really? But why? She can't

He knew that after their heated talk, she went and saw Paula in her office. But he didn't think that it would come to this. That she would be the one making the decision for him.

His mind was overwhelmed with all kinds of thoughts. The first one being that he had to undo it right the hell now.

Taking a deep breath, because he knows that he won't convince her while being furious, he picks up the letter of resignation, folds it and tucks it into his pocket. Right next to the other letter.

With that Harvey gets ready to leave his office, but not before taking his phone out ready to call Ray. Before he has the chance to that, his phone's ringtone fills the silence in the room.

Looking at the caller ID, he frowns.

New York Presbyterian Hospital

Harvey picks up.

"Hello, I'm looking for Mr. Harvey Specter. "  
"Yes, that's me."  
"Mr. Specter, my name's nurse Jones and I'm calling, because you've been listed as Donna Paulsen's emergency contact."

Out of all the things, he didn't expect that. With a trembling voice, he responds. "What happened to her?"

He could hear the nurse take a deep breath. "I'm sorry to inform you that Ms. Paulsen was in a car accident."


	2. Chapter 2

Harvey's POV:

"I'm sorry to inform you that Ms. Paulsen was in a car accident."

Hearing that, Harvey's whole world shifts. His heart starts to race, his throat becomes dry and his whole being starts to shake. Once he hears his name, he kinda comes to his senses. "Yeah, I'll be right there." With that he ends the call and rushes out. Thank God he was the last one there, because he was certainly not in the mood to stop and answer all kinds of questions. Especially now, when Donna is in the hospital.

His mind is running all possible scenarios as he hails a nearby taxi. Once he gives the driver the directions, he grabs his phone and sends everyone a text, telling them what happened.

Bursting through the entry, he rushes to the reception.

"Hi, there was a woman brought in from a car accident?" He asks the receptionist, out of breath. Once she sees the state that he's in, she gives him a sympathetic smile and gives him the directions to the waiting room. he makes his way there and sits down in the chair.

There's no one else there, which is good because he wouldn't want other people seeing him like this. Even if they're strangers. Though, right now his mind is preoccupied with thoughts about Donna. That's all he was able to think of from the moment the nurse said that she's been in a car accident.

In the fourteen years that they knew each other, this was the first time that she was in a hospital. She didn't even have a broken bone. She was always healthy. She even worked out. Yes, yoga is working out.

So, why did it have to be her? Why couldn't she just ask Ray to give her a ride, like she always did? Right, it was because he was a complete idiot.

If they weren't fighting, she wouldn't be here fighting for her life and he wouldn't have to be here, sitting in the waiting room, trying not to freak out. "Trying" being the key word, because he could feel his heartbeat increasing, his whole body shaking and feeling light headed. Not to mention the sweat that's starting to appear.

Dammit! Why is it, that whenever something happens that concerns Donna, he always gets a certain feeling deep inside of him that he can't seem to figure out?

Trying to calm himself down, he gets himself a cup of water and drinks it.

"Excuse me? Are you here for Ms. Paulsen?" As Harvey turns around, he sees a woman in scrubs.

"Yes. I'm Harvey Specter." He takes a deep breath before he continues. "How is she? They couldn't tell me what happened, just that she was rushed into the operating room."

"That's why I'm here." the surgeon smiles slightly. "I don't know how much they told you, but I'm sorry to say that Ms. Paulsen has been in a T bone car accident with a lower impact, because she was sitting on the other side of where the cab was hit. At least that's what the paramedics told us when they brought her in. Her heart stopped at the scene..." Harvey's own heart drops at that. "So, they had to proceed with immediate CPR. Thankfully, they were able to bring her back. Not only that, she also broke a few bones in her arm, which they are repairing in surgery right now. And due to her wearing a seat belt, Ms. Paulsen was very lucky to be left with only a few bruises and scratches. Though, she did hit her head on the airbags, and we won't know the extent of that until she wakes up."

It takes a minute for Harvey to process all of it, but when he does, he's able to only just nod.

"As I said before, they are currently in surgery. Which, barring any complications that might occur, should be done in a few hours. If that's all, then I'm gonna head back. I'll be here after they finish to update you. Again, I'm so sorry Mr. Specter."

With that she left, leaving Harvey in silence, once again.

Once the surgeon left, Harvey sat down in the chair and began to think about everything again. That was what he was doing for the past 30 minutes, until some familiar faces interrupted him. It was Mike and Rachel. They both looked distraught. Rachel was crying, and Mike had his arms around her - comforting her.

Once they sat down, and Rachel's tears quieted down, Mike decided to interrupt the silence that formed in the room. "She will pull through, don't worry."

Harvey looked at him and nodded. He knows that it's just a simple surgery, but the possibilities are endless here. He doesn't know what he would do if she doesn't make it. He can't imagine living in a world, where Donna Paulsen doesn't exist.

Honestly, he can't even remember what his life was like before he met her. From the moment that he laid eyes on the redhead, he knew that he wouldn't be seeing her for the last time…

**** Flashback ****

Today was a big day. Harvey won his first big case since joining the DA's office and his fellow ADA's decided to go out for drinks and celebrate the occasion. As much as he would've preferred to celebrate on his own, possibly with someone prettier than them, he was glad to be here today.

"Jay, can I get a Macallan 18?" He asked the bartender as he tapped his fingers against the wooden bar. As he waited for his drink, he hopes to get a few minutes of peace by himself.

"You know, usually when someone wins their first trial, they at least pretend to finish the drink their fellow ADA's bought them." Great. He rolls his eyes. Please be pretty.

Turning around slowly, he could see the woman who interrupted was a beautiful redhead. Looking at her from head to toe, he could immediately spot the confidence that radiated from her. Her clothes accentuated her flawless figure. The brown checkered blouse made her porcelain skin stand out in the light and the black skirt made her legs go on forever. But it was her hair that made his mind dizzy. Those auburn locks, which made her eyes pop and his heart beat with desire. All throughout his life there was only one other redhead that he had a crush on. Ricky Garfield's mom. But he could tell that this was different, he just couldn't tell how.

Snapping out of it, Harvey cocked an eyebrow at her. "I'm sorry, do we-"

"Know each other? Not yet. But today's your lucky day." God that twinkle in her eyes.

"And why is that?" He asked curiously.

"Because it's the day you get to meet Donna," she smiled.

"And let me guess. You're Donna?" he asked, amused.

To which she confidently replied: "Oh, you have no idea how Donna I am."

"Well, Donna, I'm Harvey-" he outstretched his hand.

She shook his hand. "Harvey Specter. You really think I'd be talking to you if I didn't know who you were?" She raised her eyebrow this time, as if challenging him.

Her quick wit and sass surprised him. In a good way though, because he had not met a lot of women who had that and he liked it. Yeah, they were pretty, but some of them lacked in the brain department. Not Donna. Her body might have been the first thing that he noticed, but as they talked more, he realized that she was not just a pretty face. And that made her even more attractive to him. After ordering her a drink, he led her to a booth in the corner where they continued with their conversation.

Oh, what he wouldn't give to be back in that booth. Just listening to her talk and participate in their quick repartee.

"I know that she will pull through. There's no doubt about that." Harvey says to them. "She has to." He mumbled to himself as he tried to keep his emotions at bay..

RACHEL'S POV:

Seeing the state that her boss is in, Rachel smiled sadly. In all these years that she has worked at the firm, she saw the dynamic that they had. Not to mention the connection that they had. For years, it was always Donna and Harvey. They always were together. She always cared for him and in return he did the same. Many people joked that Donna was his work wife. With that, Rachel had to agree. Whether they knew it or not, they were in a long term relationship. Just without the kisses and touches. Too bad her friends were too blind to see what everyone else saw: that they were perfect for each other. Throughout the years, she could see the hope, longing and pain in their eyes even though they were great at hiding them. Lately though, those feelings resurfaced. She didn't see it at first, but when she once went to see Donna in her office, and saw her best friend almost break down in tears over Harvey's new girlfriend, she knew. Ever since that day Rachel developed some sort of hatred towards said girlfriend. I mean who can blame her? That therapist did no good to either of them. She completely blindsided Harvey to a point where his behavior was unrecognizable. But what bothered Rachel more was her best friend. And what Harvey's relationship did to her. Ever since Harvey uttered those faithful words, she shut down. Her behavior changed. She became more tense and the spark that once lived in her eyes, wasn't there. Neither was the genuine smile. Yes, she still smiled but it became forced.

The pain in her best friends eyes prompted Rachel to text her that they meet for some drinks and just let go of everything. It surprised her when Donna texted her that she already had some plans for today. So, when Harvey texted Mike what happened, she began to think about all the what if's and started blaming herself.

Harvey's POV:

Running his hand through his hair, he sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. After their talk, Rachel and Mike offered to go get some food. Knowing that Harvey wouldn't leave the waiting room until someone dragged him out of bad that someone was not here, in the waiting room with them, but on the operating table. He had to eat something. They all had to eat something, and the hospital food was not that good. That was one of the reasons why they went, but they also wanted to leave Harvey alone for a while.

All those pent up emotions weren't doing him any good.

Once they left, he stood up and started pacing through the waiting room, his mind occupied with a certain redhead...

All the moments that they shared throughout the years. From all the holidays to every event at the firm. They always spent them together. She even went with him to visit Marcus in the hospital that one time. No matter what happened, she was always there. Even when she was in a relationship.

All these years she put him first. Even when she wasn't working for him. He might not have shown it but he always appreciated that. Whether it was him paying her more because he thought that she deserved it, buying her gifts, taking her to her favorite restaurants or sitting through every play that she was in. (Even though she didn't know about it)

Now he's here, in the waiting room. Hoping that their adventures won't turn into memories and that she survives. He can't imagine a life where Donna Roberta Paulsen doesn't exist.

Harvey takes a deep breath as he wipes away the tears from his eyes. Yeah, he started crying. The emotional roller-coaster from today was finally taking its toll on him. From the fight with Paula, the case and finally everything that happened with Donna. Who was he kidding? Donna was the main reason for his state right now.

She was the one to push him into reconciling with his mother, when everyone left him. She was there, comforting him. She was always there. And now, when he needed her the most, she was fighting for her life on the operating table.

Reaching for his handkerchief, Harvey feels something underneath it.

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Taking out the letter, he sees his name in Donna's neat handwriting. He always liked her handwriting. His handwriting was so bad that, often, Donna joked that he made her doctor look like a calligrapher.

Chuckling at the memory, he opens the envelope and starts reading.

Dear Harvey,

I'm assuming that you have already read the letter of resignation. Let me rephrase that. You saw my name and the words "I resign" on that letter, picked it up, tucked it into your suit with this one and made your way to track me down.

So engrossed in the letter, Harvey almost didn't hear when Louis ran in, all breathless. Quickly tucking the letter back into his pocket, Harvey looked up at his friend, who was flustered, sweaty and a bit panicked, and smiled.

"Louis. What took you so long?" They might be miserable, but when there's a chance to tease him, Harvey takes it.

Louis raises his brow at him. "I had a meeting when you called."

Harvey nods in understanding. They both sit down.

"Are Mike and Rachel here?" Louis wonders looking around the waiting room.

"They went to get some food." he takes a deep breath. "They should be back soon."

Louis nods. They fall into silence. After few minutes, Harvey breaks the silence.

"Do you remember the time, when you asked for Donna to fill in for Norma, when she was away?"

Louis chuckles at that. "Yeah, she burst into tears and made me go away. She basically said that she wouldn't work for me."

"But then she did." Harvey interrupts.

"Even then she was loyal to you," Louis sees Harvey's confused look, so he continues, "One time, when she started working for me, you and I had that conversation and you admitted that you've been having panic attacks. I'm sorry to say, that I recorded you. Then, when she was transcribing, she heard that and threatened me. I deleted it right away." Louis takes a deep breath before continuing. "You should've seen her face Harvey. She had that look on her face that screamed If you mess with him, you mess with me. I was so scared but I realized something."

"What?"

"I realized that it wasn't just a normal secretary/boss relationship that you two had. It was much more than that. That's why I let her go, because I saw what it was doing to both of you and I knew that you would need her help to get Mike out of prison."

Harvey smiles at that. "I know that she knew about the attacks," Louis doesn't even question how, because he's used to them knowing everything about each other, "But I didn't know the rest of it. Thank you Louis." Harvey wraps his arm around Louis' shoulders and squeezes.

Their moment is short lived, because they see Mike and Rachel with some take out boxes in their hands. Before they have a chance to say something, a surgeon interrupts them.

"Mr. Specter?" That gets his attention and he rushes to the surgeon.

"Hi. I'm Dr. James and I was the one operating on Ms. Paulsen."

"How is she? Is she okay? Did she pull through?"

"The surgery is finished and Ms. Paulsen pulled through as expected for someone who survived a car accident," the surgeon looks at them before continuing. "Don't worry, she's okay." At that the SL family smiles, relieved. "The surgery went as expected without any complications, but there's one thing that we won't know for sure until she wakes up. Once they brought her in, the shock from the accident caused her to lose consciousness."

Once those words leave the surgeon's mouth, everyone is left speechless. Mike had to sit down, both Rachel and Louis burst into tears with their hands covering their mouths and Harvey just stood there motionless.

The doctor decided to continue. "That happens to a lot of people, so don't worry. We did all the tests before her surgery. We drew her blood, did an MRI and I'm happy to say that Ms. Paulsen is healthy as can be. She was very lucky to come out with just some cuts and bruises. The only bad thing that happened was that she broke her arm. We just put some screws in to let it heal properly," the doctor takes a deep breath before continuing, "As I mentioned earlier, Ms. Paulsen is okay and in no danger. We won't know more until she wakes up though." She looks at Harvey, before saying: "Though, she went through a lot of stress and shock during the accident and after the CPR, which made her body shut down and slip into a coma."


	3. Chapter 3

"Though, she did go through a lot of stress and shock during the accident and after the CPR, which made her body shut down and slip into a coma."

"A coma? What do you mean a coma?" Rachel asks, surprised.

As those words left the doctor's mouth, the whole room fell into silence. Everyone froze. Not one of them thought that they would see the day where Donna, usually a happy, talkative person, was in a coma. Yet, here they were. In a hospital waiting room, trying to understand what just happened. Not one of them brave enough to ask for more information - too overcome with sadness. Everyone just stared at the doctor, waiting - needing to hear his next words.

"Actually, this is fairly common in patients who come in after suffering a trauma. Due to the stress that her body was put through, Ms. Paulsen's brain has decided to shut down. This can prevent further complications." He looks at them, before continuing. "It's a good thing actually. This way she can heal more quickly."

Rachel and Louis nod, trying to grasp all the information being said, whereas Mike asks, maybe too eagerly: "When can we see her?"

"She's on her way to the ICU which should only take a couple of minutes. Once she's settled in you can go in and see her. But please remember that only one person is allowed to visit at a time."

"Okay, thank you so much doctor." Mike says.

They hear a beeping sound. It's the doctor's pager. He excuses himself and leaves them alone.

"So, who will go first?" Louis asks.

Mike and Rachel share a look, both thinking the same. "Harvey?" Rachel turns to him.

Harvey's POV:

After the doctor informed them of Donna's condition, Harvey was too stunned to speak. Frozen, lost in his thoughts. He didn't even register that the doctor had left.

How could he speak? When he just learned that the person he treasured most was lying in a hospital bed, connected to machines to help her breathe and keep her alive. How could he stand there, listening to everyone and pretending that he's okay, when all he wants to do is just be alone and break down. How?

Once he sees Rachel's questioning gaze, he straightens up. Already knowing what she is asking, he replies: "No, you go first. I have to call her parents."

They all nod knowing how their boss feels about their COO and how hard this must be for him.

After they leave for the ICU, Harvey sits down and takes out his phone. Instead of clicking on the contacts icon, his finger - having a mind of its own- opens up the gallery.

Scrolling through his pictures he smiles. All these years captured with photographs. All these memories. Happy or sad, these pictures hold it all.

There's one picture that catches his eye. It was her.

It was from years ago. He could recognize those surroundings immediately. Del Posto. He could remember that dinner so clearly...

***Flashback***

One year. 365 days. 8760 hours. That's how long has passed since she approached him and asked to be moved to his desk. Not that he's counting. Today was a big day. Not only was it their "anniversary", but she also had an audition for Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice".

That's where she was all day. He hopes that she gets it, even though a small part of him would be sad to let her go. Lately, every audition that she had gone to, didn't pan out. She was rejected every time. That was one of the reasons why Harvey suggested that they go to dinner today. To his surprise Donna agreed.

As usual, when Donna isn't at work, he just goes through the day as quickly as possible until it's time to go home. Today was no different. Once he got everything done, he rushed to his car and drove to Del Posto - which Donna picked.

Once he arrived at the restaurant, the waiter guided him to their table, where he sat down and waited for her.

After a while, he got bored. Looking at his watch, he sighed. It was only five minutes after he arrived and he was getting impatient. One might think that he was waiting for his date. At that Harvey rolled his eyes. Yeah, right. I wish.

His thoughts were interrupted once he heard the click of high heels. Looking up he saw her. She must have changed, because what she was wearing took his breath away. It wasn't her usual office attire, but it wasn't too casual either. She was dressed in a black, long sleeved dress that went past her knees. The way this dress accentuated her hair was what drove him crazy. The contrast of the dress and her skin made her hair resemble a flame. In Harvey's mind she looked perfect.

"Not so punctual after all. Who would've thought?" Harvey smirked as they sat down, but once he saw Donna's face his demeanor changed. Oh no

"Donna? What happened."

Donna looked at him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. " I didn't get it."

Before Harvey had the chance to respond, she continued. "I studied for this for so long. I basically embodied Portia and he said that I'm not cut out for this. I mean, who does he think he is? I have way more experience with theater than those other women! Do you know who he chose? A blonde 20 year old bimbo." Seeing Harvey's smirk, she stops mid sentence.

"What?" she smiles, because that grin of his is way too infectious.

"Nothing." Seeing her raised eyebrow he goes on.

"You just get that twinkle in your eyes when you get mad. It's cute."

"Mr. Specter, you better tone it down, otherwise someone might think something." She jokes.

"Are you implying that there's something here?" He continues to smirk.

She just rolls her eyes at him.

"Don't worry, you will get another part." He reassures her.

She smiles. The waiter interrupts them, bringing them wine and they order their food.

They spent most of the dinner talking about everything that was happening at work or in their personal lives. It was nice. For once they didn't bear the burden of having their jobs intruding on their private lives. They weren't just a secretary and her boss here. They were friends. They both knew each other quite well. Physically and emotionally.

Ever since "the other time", they developed some sort of intimacy that grew as the days went by. Both wanted more, but there was always something there that didn't allow them to pursue it. Whether it was Donna's rule or Harvey's own emotional state, they knew that they weren't ready.

Speaking of the other time.. They had both agreed - more like Donna told Harvey and he nodded - that they would erase it from their minds and never speak of it ever again. So far, they had done a great job of that. Though there were a few times, where one of them slipped up. Whether it was flirting, going out for drinks or Harvey giving Donna rides home. What started at the DA's office as shameless attempt at seduction, continued as a silent promise of a future - once they're ready.

"You know, I never asked. What made you decide we should go out to dinner tonight?" Donna asked after she took a sip of her wine.

Harvey looks at her, raises his eyebrow briefly and replies. "We've had quite a long week at work, and we needed the distraction." He pauses, a slight smirk forming on his face before continuing, "And we also needed to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" she's confused.

Oh God. She doesn't remember. This will be awkward. "You started working for me a year ago, today."

"Oh really? I forgot about that." It's her turn to smirk now, which causes his face to twist in confusion.

"Donna." He tilted his head slightly.

She chuckled. "Don't worry, I didn't forget."

He shakes his head. He takes a hold of his glass of wine and asks: "What do you say we toast? "

She mirrors his actions and with a smile nods instead of replying. They clink their glasses.

After that Harvey asks: "What do you say we do this every year?"

"I say yes, Harvey." They both chuckle.

Reminiscing about that particular dinner always brought a smile to his face. Even now, when he was on the brink of a breakdown. That's how it had always been where Donna was concerned. She was the one who could always make him smile in the toughest situations. From day one, she always had that ability.

Shaking his thoughts away, he focuses on the original task that he had set out to do in the first place - he starts making some calls.

It's been almost an hour. He didn't think that it would take him this long. At first he called Jessica. They talked about everything that had happened and she had asked him how he was he called Donna's parents. As expected, they were devastated. How could they not be, when their daughter was in a coma? They asked him to take care of her, because the earliest flight available wasn't until next week. Promising to do just that, they discuss a few more details before Harvey ended the call.

Finally he called the last person on his list. Paula. This was the first time that she had crossed his mind. Ever since he got the call from the hospital, his mind was too preoccupied with Donna. It might sound crazy, considering the nature of their relationship, but this was the first time today, he had even thought of his girlfriend.

Dialing her number, he waited. Instead of her answering he gets the machine. Frowning, he ends the call and opens up his messages instead. Scrolling down to Paula's name, he starts writing.

I'm sorry, I can't make it to the dinner. Donna was in an accident. We're all at the hospital. - Harvey

Pressing send, he catches himself lingering over his other messages. He sees he has an unopened message from Donna. Clicking on it, his heart drops into his stomach.

I'm sorry Harvey. I'm so sorry.

For a split second those words take him a few weeks back, into her office, when she had kissed him. He could still feel the taste of her lips. And how her fingers felt buried in his hair. Just the thought of that moment makes him shiver. Why did she have to kiss him? Why then? She could've done that whenever he was single, but no. She had to ambush him when he was in a stable relationship with someone he had possibly started to love.

He still may not understand it, but he knows that she must have had her reasons. In all the years that he has known her, she never did anything without a reason behind it. Not once.

Re-reading the text, he slowly realizes that she must have sent it around the time she put the letters on his desk.

This must have been the last text she had sent before the accident. Just knowing that he may have been the last person she thought of before the accident makes his insides flutter.

Before he goes any deeper down that road, he sees his friends returning from the ICU. He could see them trying to keep their emotions at bay. The guys are succeeding, but Rachel is not. She is still crying when they approach him.

Quickly wiping away the tear that had managed to escape when he read Donna's message, he looks at them questioningly.

It was Louis who spoke first. "She's strong. She's gonna beat this Harvey." Coming closer he puts his arm around him.

Harvey nods.

"I'm sorry, but we have to go back to the firm." Mike says as he checks his phone. "Katrina just texted that they need us."

"Really? Now?!" Louis gets angry..

At that Rachel puts her hand on Luis's shoulder.. "We should go, Louis," she says as she turns to Harvey. "There's no point in asking if you're going with us, right?"

Harvey smiles. They know him too well. "No. I'm not going anywhere."

They bid their goodbyes, promising to come back first thing in the morning - leaving him alone in the in the confines of the waiting room.

Minutes pass and he's still sitting here, in the waiting room, trying to gather the courage to walk towards Donna's room in the ICU. It might be silly, but he just can't seem to do it. It's like his feet are glued to the floor, preventing him from moving.

He just doesn't know what is awaiting him when he crosses the threshold of that room. Just the thought of her being hooked up to machines, that are keeping her alive, makes him want to drop to his knees.

Get a grip Specter! This is Donna. She needs you.

Shaking his thoughts away, he makes his way to the ICU. Once there, he takes all the necessary precautions before making his way to her room. Seeing her door, he stops in his tracks. Leaning against the wall he takes a deep breath, while putting his hand on his chest - in an attempt to calm his racing heart. Yeah, that doesn't help at all.

Feeling ready - or as ready as one can be in this situation, Harvey takes his final steps and crosses the threshold.

The sight in front of him makes his heart drop. Looking at her, he can see her pale face covered in bruises, her right arm covered by a cast and all kinds of wires coming from under her gown.

He knew that seeing her like that would be devastating. What he didn't expect was the sudden dizziness that he started feeling. Seeing the chair by her bedside, he decides to sit down before he faints.

He has spent years working by her side, seeing her go through everything. He was there when she was happy, frustrated, sad, angry and even when she was crying. But, after fourteen years this was a first for him. Seeing her so vulnerable and broken, it baffled him how she could still look so peaceful and strong - even in this situation.

Debating whether or not he should take her hand, because they weren't usually ones to touch, his need to feel her prevails and he reaches for it nonetheless. Being conscious of the wires, he takes a hold of her hand - gently squeezing it in the process. Then, as if his hand had a mind of his own, he starts softly stroking it.

For someone who was scared what seeing her would do to him, he's handling it much better than he imagined. Yes, he's feeling like he might combust with emotions at any given moment. For her, he will be strong. Because he knows, if the roles were reversed, she would do the same. On second thought, scratch that. She would cry, scream and curse him out.

In all honesty, he would rather if the roles were indeed reversed. Because he can't stand the sight of her motionless, in a hospital bed. He was never good with people who were close to his heart, being sick or in a hospital. Whether it was his father or brother, he didn't like it. Now, with Donna, it was far worse. In the past, when things got ..complicated between them, he could just shut down. Distance himself. But this was different. And the reality of that scared the shit out of him.

Years ago, he told her that he won't let anything happen to her. Yeah, look how that turned out. Dumbass. She always has to get into trouble when he's not around. Always. And today, even though he knows that it's not his fault, he's blaming himself more than ever.

Why did it have to be her? Why did she have to take a cab? She rarely does that. Those were the thoughts that were circling his brain, amongst others.

Looking at her, he couldn't help but feel the regret. For the state that she was in. For the reasons that pushed her to quit. For these last few months, frankly.

Why these last few months? Because it was the first time that he pushed everyone away. Especially her.

Throughout the years, they both had significant others that came and went from their lives, but the only thing that remained the same was them. They were the constant in one another's lives. A anchor of sorts. It was nice that they kept each other grounded.. Knowing that no matter what happened in their lives, they could depend on each other.

Then, she left him and that pushed him to see a therapist. To be honest, when she went to work for Luis, it was the beginning of the end for them. They were never able to get back to who they were before.

Throughout the years he might have tried to protect her from the world, but what he didn't realize was that she needed to be protected from him.

If he wasn't so preoccupied with his relationship, maybe then he would've been more attentive to her. Maybe today he would've given Donna a ride home, instead of going to dinner with his girlfriend.

As selfish and bizarre as that sounds, he wishes that it was true. Ever since his mother visited him last week,and they had that dinner together with Paula, his relationship with her had shifted to a weird place.

She was jealous of Donna, and that bothered him. His mother's comment about Paula being the special person in his life didn't help her jealousy either, which sparked a heated conversation about it later that evening. Maybe that's why he wasn't completely shocked when she suggested that he fire Donna. Though he realizes now that it was a terrible mistake.

How could even the thought of firing her cross his mind?

Ignoring his thoughts, he focuses on what's more important at the moment. Donna. He's been sitting here, holding her hand for almost an hour, thinking about their past and what brought them here. It has been a bumpy road, but in a strange way, he's almost grateful this happened - because it finally opened his eyes.

He realized that he has been blind for the last 15 years, looking for his forever in all these meaningless relationships, when all he had to do was just look outside his office and see the redhead that was sitting there.

And now, he might not even get the chance to tell her because she's in a coma.

The realization of that, combined with his unresolved feelings, that he had hidden for over a decade, and the toll of these last few weeks makes him break apart and he starts crying for the first time today.

As the tears pour down his cheeks, he brings her hand that he's holding to his lips.

"Come back, please." he whispers to her, before his lips graze the skin on the back of her hand as he places a gentle kiss there.

Day four:

It's been four days since the accident. Four days since Donna slipped into the coma. And four days since Harvey has moved from her bedside. That's right. Harvey Reginald Specter - someone who used to say that caring makes people weak, has spent every damn second of these last few days by her bedside, waiting. The thing is, she wasn't just someone. She was different. She had been his compass for the last fourteen years, guiding him through everything. So, he would be a fool to not do the same for her. Because that's what friends are for, right?

These last four days had shown him what an impact Donna had on his life. Why? Simple, he just wasn't able to look at everything the same way he used to. Everything just reminded him of her.

From the vanilla in his coffee, his favorite record that she scratched, to the cactus in his kitchen.

She has influenced his life to the point of no return. She was a part of everything that mattered.

To be honest, he doesn't mind it one bit. Quite the opposite. He loves it. Always has.

Maybe that's why he hasn't been able to go to the firm, or any other place that reminded him of the only woman who has been there for him all along, and who has always put his needs above her own.

Okay, that's a lie. Yesterday, he did go to his apartment to take a shower and get some clothes for himself. On the way to the hospital, he made a pit stop to Donna's place, using his key, to collect some of her stuff and a blanket, to make her stay at the hospital more comfortable. Once he got back to her room, he covered her with the blanket, ate some of the take out he brought, and fell asleep after telling her about his adventures.

Today has been a long day. First of all, in the morning a nurse woke Harvey up by performing her usual tests on Donna. Then, after she left, Rachel and Louis came in to check in on him. They spent the evening chatting about what has been going on at the firm. After they left, Paula called him. She wanted to take him to a dinner. He immediately refused, saying that he wouldn't be going anywhere until Donna woke up.

So, that brings him here. Sitting in what became his usual spot. In a chair, that was pulled up right next to the bed, with no space between them, holding her hand and gazing at her closed eyes.

What he wouldn't give to have those hazel eyes look back at him. Just the thought of seeing her look at him makes him smile. Then his smile turns into a slight frown, when he remembers that she must have been crying before the accident. When she resigned.

The memory of her resignation letter sparks a sudden realization. He's been sitting here for four days and not once did it occur to him to read those letters that Donna had written.

Deciding to do just that, he pulls them out of his pocket and opens up the personal letter, because there's no point in reading the formal one..

Dear Harvey,

I'm assuming you already read the letter of resignation. Let me rephrase that. You saw my name and the words "I resign" on that letter, picked it up, tucked it into your suit with this one and made your way to track me down.

If you're reading this, that means you didn't catch me before I left. And I'm glad, because I wouldn't have been able to say this in person. One would think that after 14 years, I would be able to look you in the eye and say what I'm about to say.

For years, I have been listening to you. Caring for you. Putting you first. And now, I need you to do the same, and let me go.

Even though I don't expect this to make any difference, there are a few things I need to say.

For years you have wondered why I had that rule, and to be honest, I sometimes wondered the same thing..

We have spent 14 years side by side, both at the firm, and in our personal lives. We both knew that our relationship was somehow more and yet not enough. Throughout the years, many people have accused us of various things, but what matters now is the truth.

And the truth, Harvey, is that over the years we became something more. One might call it a friendship or a relationship, but I call it family. That's what you are. What you've become. You've been my family - a part of me - for 14 years, and believe me when I say that this is not something that I'm admitting to easily, but I need to.

These last few months have been hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you. But seeing you in a relationship with someone else has been heartbreaking for me and at the same time eye opening. Why? Because I realized something.

I've realized that what I've been feeling for you for years was love. I have been feeling that way for quite some time, and I've tortured myself by trying to push it deep down. That seemed to work for a long time, but this year, those feelings seemed to crawl right up to the surface and it's been overwhelming ever since.

Everyone around us has been giving me advice, convincing me of emotions that may or may not be there, and that was the last thing that pushed me over the edge and made me kiss you.

Was that a mistake? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably. I might be a fool, but it felt right at the time. That's what I've wanted to tell Paula, too. You know, that I was never one to apologize for my actions, but seeing you so broken that day was terrifying. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I said those things to you.

Doesn't matter now, right?

There's just one thing that's been bothering me a lot lately. You know, a long time ago, you said that no matter where we are or who we are with, we would be there for each other no matter what.

All these years, all these relationships that we had - and we still managed to find time for one another.

Maybe it is just all in my head, but once your latest relationship started, it felt different. You have distanced yourself from me, even been ignoring me. All these years of knowing each other - knowing every little thing about one another, yet it felt like I was unknown to you all of a sudden.

As I said before, I talked to Paula today. That combined with our fight, made me realize the right thing to do was resign from Specter Litt and pursue my dream of acting again..

I know, I've made some questionable choices, and I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you. Believe me, Harvey, it breaks my heart to leave this firm. It is my home and you all are my family.

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work with you all these years. These months as COO of the firm have changed my life forever.

It's time for me to go, though. I will miss working with you, and everyone at the firm, more than I can say.

I want you to be happy more than you can imagine.

Goodbye, Harvey.

-Donna

Halfway through, Harvey's emotions get the best of him and he breaks down. No matter how hard he tries, those tears won't stop streaming from his eyes.

"All these years." He shifts his gaze towards her motionless body. "All these years, and you have said nothing. Why?" He chokes back a sob. "Why now, when I can't hear you say it?"  
He breaks down again.

Day seven:

Three days passed by and Harvey couldn't get his thoughts straight. Once he read that letter, he has not been able to stop thinking about it.

That letter. She had basically declared her love for him and told him to be happy with another woman.

He knew, that him being with Paula had bothered her, but he didn't realize that the reason behind it, was this. She loved him. Donna Paulsen has loved him all along, and he was a fool to not see that.

For years he had thought that she did not have those feelings for him, that their shared night didn't mean anything to her. And now... this.

To think he had convinced himself that his feelings towards her were one sided. He was so wrong.

Just the thought of what they could've had if they had been honest with each other, makes his insides burn with pain. All the heartache, the longing, all these meaningless relationships, could have been spared. But most of all, she wouldn't have been in a hospital, fighting for her life.

This all could have been avoided if he hadn't been such a fool and had listened to his heart.

Yes, he loved her.

He loved her so much, that he didn't even try to have a relationship with her. It was crazy, but he respected her rule and needed her way too much to risk everything they had built together.

He just couldn't do that. Yet, there IS something that he can do now. And that is to break up with Paula.

Breaking away from his thoughts, he reaches for his phone, that's sitting on the nightstand next to Donna's bed and decides to call Paula.

Before he has the chance to even dial her number, a sight, he never thought he would see again, catches his attention. Dark brown eyes meet hazel ones, and Harvey's heart stops. Dead in its tracks.

"Donna?"

After her eyes adjusted to the light, she looked at him. With her raspy voice she finally spoke: "Who are you?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Who are you?"

Harvey freezes. His face becoming pale for a moment, and his whole world shifts once he hears her utter those words. Oh, God. She doesn't remember me.  
His worst nightmare became a reality. Donna, the only person that mattered for years, doesn't remember him.

They have spent the last fourteen years building a friendship like no other. They knew everything there was to know about each other. She was his best friend, just like he was hers. Now, he's just a stranger to her.

All of their shared past has faded away leaving just memories behind. Was this it? Was this what utter loss felt like?

All the memories they shared are now gone with the wind. What should he do now? Does he just forget about her? Or does he just recreate every moment they've shared, so that she can remember? He's not sure. But, he's sure that he wants to wake up from this nightmare.

His thoughts get interrupted by a voice calling out his name. Her voice. Looking at her, Harvey could see Donna laughing at him.

Confused, he asks: "What?"

Still laughing, Donna answers: "You should've seen your face! It was so funny! Seriously Harvey, I should pull pranks on you more often!"

"What? But. You said." he keeps stumbling. "Donna." There he goes, using that voice he usually does when he's annoyed with her and rolls his eyes at her antics.

"Do you think that I would forget your face?"

"Donna, this isn't funny! You have been in a coma for a week.." Before he has the chance to explain further, the doctor walking in interrupts them.

Once he sees Donna, he smiles. "I see that Ms. Paulsen has woken up."

"Please, call me Donna." she looks at the name tag before continuing, " Doctor Morrison."

The doctor smiles. Then becomes serious. "I am here to do some tests, if that's okay with you."  
Donna nods. "Sure."

After doing some routing tests, Dr. Morrison starts asking the questions. Everything goes quite well until she asks the most important question.

"What's the year?"

Donna looks at her with a furrowed brow. "2014." She replies with confidence. Harvey's head turns in her direction, frowning. "Wait, what?" Donna dismissed him.  
The doctor ignores them, before saying: "Okay, one more question. Do you feel any headache?"  
"Actually, My head does hurt a little." The doctor becomes silent.

Donna looks as she writes some notes down and Harvey looks at Donna, confused.

Few minutes pass before Dr. Morrison finishes writing and turns to Donna. "Everything looks good so far. Though I would like to keep tabs on that headache for a while. It might be nothing, but we just need to make sure that there won't be any complications. But from what I can see, you've been very lucky Donna. We've seen a lot of people after a car accident in a lot worse shape, but the seat belt you wore prevented life threatening injuries." She pauses before continuing. "Though, there were some things that we were concerned with."

"Like what?"

"Speaking from neurosurgical standpoint, once you slipped into a coma we knew that there could be some complications, we didn't worry about them at the time because it's normal in cases like yours, but I'm sorry to say that you have what we call retrograde amnesia."

The last thing she remembers is getting into the taxi. So, when she woke up, the unfamiliar surroundings made her confused. Blinking as she tried to adjust to the lights, she looked around the , she was definitely in a hospital. There's no denying that. Feeling her left arm itching, she tried to reach with her right one to scratch it, but unsuccessfully. She didn't feel it at first when she woke up. There was something putting a pressure on her arm and it started to kinda bother her. Shifting her gaze down, she saw a familiar hand squeezing her fingers.

Trying to shift from her position to get a better look at the person before her, she groaned. The movement was too painful.

Looking at him approaching her bed, she could finally see the familiar features of the face she knew all too well. But something wasn't right. He looked different.  
Seeing his distraught look, she decided to mess a little with him - in hopes of brightening his features...

"Who are you?" What started as a meaningless joke, turned into a brief look of hurt on his part.

She waited for a few minutes before bursting with laughter. Messing with him was just too easy.

Her fun was short lived once she saw Harvey's eyes lose their sparkle and instead hold worry and confusion.

Frowning, she asked:"What's wrong?"

Ever since she woke up, she could feel that there was something wrong. Her body hurt and she had a growing headache. Looking at her surroundings only heightened her suspicions. She was in a hospital room. That's weird. What am I doing here?  
She was confused.

Wasn't I on the way home?

As Harvey explained to her what had happened, she immediately knew. How could she not. She's Donna, for God's sake! Her suspicions were only confirmed when Dr. Morrison confirmed what she thought. She had amnesia.

And to top it all off, she forgot four years of her life. Four goddamn years.

All the memories. All the moments have slipped from her memory.

How is that possible?

Throughout the years, her memories, her knowledge, her knowing everything was her comfort. She felt powerful knowing everything.

Now, it all just faded away. And made her feel scared.

Scared of the unknown.

Not knowing the last few years of her life makes her almost self conscious. What happened during those years?

The strangest thing is the fact that the last thing she remembers is her closing night as Portia in Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice"...

It's been a long week here at Pearson Specter. The workload kept on piling up, which meant that Harvey was always busy but this week's case was extra hard. Especially because he didn't have Donna at his side. She was coming to work, but after awhile she went into hiding to the file room where she rehearsed for her role. After years she finally got cast as Portia in Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice".It was also one of the reasons why he was glad that they closed the case sooner. Okay, there was another reason for his enthusiasm. It was Donna's closing night.

Throughout the week, he tried not to disturb her because he knew how important this role was for her. After all, it has been years since she tried to succeed in acting. He still remembered that time she came to their dinner, angry that she wasn't cast as Portia.

Now, years later the tables have turned. She might have put her acting career on hold in favor of pursuing the legal world - that's what she told him, but he knew that she did it for him. Even though she told everyone that she didn't mind, Harvey could tell that it bothered her. At the beginning at least.

So, when he heard that she finally got the role, he was eager to see her in action. He wanted to be there for her opening night, but the case got in the way. So, when the opportunity arose to see her closing night, he was eager to go home and change to a suit, that he knew was one of her favorites. It was a black Tom Ford which he paired with a black tie that she got him for his a last look at himself in the mirror, he was ready to go back to the firm. As he spotted a small flower shop near Pearson Specter, he couldn't help himself and make a little stop there.

This week has been hectic for Donna. It all started when she got a call that she was cast as Portia in Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice".

When they were doing auditions for that part she wasn't too keen on participating, but both Harvey and Rachel managed to talk her into it. After the audition she didn't think much of it because they didn't pick her once, so it was a surprise when she got that call almost a month ago confirming that she indeed got the role.

Saying that she was excited was an understatement. It was off-Broadway, anyone would be excited, but there was a part of her that was a little scared.

It had been years since she was on the stage, acting her heart out. Years since she felt the thrill of it all going through her veins as she stepped out onto the stage. So, of course she was scared coming back to it.

Would she remember her lines? Would she stumble? Will the audience love her?

Those were her thoughts as she paced the floor of the file room.

Her mind was so occupied with everything, that she didn't even register the person that has entered the room.

"What are you doing here Donna?" It was Harvey.  
"Making copies." She answered like it was the most obvious thing, but he saw right through her.  
Tilting his head slightly with that look, that he only reserved for her, he asked her: ""What's wrong? You don't usually hide in the file room." he pauses before continuing, "unless it's important."

"I have a play." she says.  
"That's good." seeing her demeanor change, he stepped closer. " Why are you not excited?" he wonders.

Donna raises her eyebrows at him. "What if I can't do this? I haven't been on stage in years, Harvey." she sighs." What if I'm not ready for this?"

It's the second time he's seen her like this. So vulnerable. So different from what he's used to.

"Donna" his voice softens as he steps closer.

"You are ready. I have no doubt about that." he pauses when he notices a slight smile appearing on her face. "You're one of the most amazing women I've ever met. Your confidence, quick wit and empathy for others is something I always admired. And if you think that you can't do this, then you're wrong." He pauses for a second. "You're Donna Roberta Paulsen, you can do everything."

"I-" Donna becomes speechless. It was normal for Harvey to show a different side when he was with her, but this was something new. Him comforting her like this was new.

She didn't expect those words to come out of his mouth. Ever.

Harvey chuckles. "I can't believe it." His face breaks into a cheshire cat grin. "You have no idea what to say."

Donna rolls her eyes at him. "You're an idiot." They both chuckle.

Few minutes pass before Harvey sobers up. "You do know that you can go off book with this, right?"

Donna raises her eyebrow at him before scoffing. "Please, you wouldn't survive without me."

"I will."

"Like you did last time?" she pauses before continuing. "We both know the answer to that."

Before he has a chance to say something, she interrupts. "I'm staying at work. And that's final."

Harvey huffs before going to his office which makes Donna laugh. He's such a child sometimes.

A week full of plays has passed. For someone who was scared of the unknown, Donna's comeback to stage has been smooth. She even got a standing ovation in every play.

Today was her closing night. It was sad for her to end this journey, but as much as she loves theater she knows that it's not something she wants to pursue anymore. She had different priorities now…

Sighing, she gathered her things and stood up - ready to go to the theater. Taking a quick glance at empty Harvey's office, Donna's thoughts drifted to a few hours ago when Harvey announced that he's going home.

That was unusual. He usually stayed at the office until 10pm. Not today though. Today he was quick to bolt home.

Shaking her thoughts, she makes her way towards the elevators and then towards the doors.  
As she passes through she looks around, immediately spotting him.

With a smile she asks: "What are you doing here?" Harvey is standing next to his Lexus clad in a fresh Tom Ford suit with his arms behind his back hiding something - not for too long, because the next thing she sees is a bouquet of flowers.

"I'm here to deliver these." he shows her a bouquet of favorite flowers.

"Who are those for?" she wonders while pointing to the flowers.

"Who do you think they're for?" A smug smile appears on his face. "For you." he pauses before continuing "For your dressing room." He hands the flowers to her.

"Thank you." she smiles as she takes them from him. Wow.

"Let's go." Harvey says as he opens the doors for her. Wait. What?

"You're coming?" she asks, surprised.

"You think I'm gonna miss your closing night?" He's acting like him joining her is the most obvious thing in the world.

"I didn't know you were a Shakespeare fan." Even in her stunned state she doesn't miss the chance to tease him

"I'm a Donna fan." he's quick to respond while briefly placing his hand on the small of her back in an attempt to usher her to his car.

She halts in her step while she tries to reason with him. "You know Harvey, you don't have to do this. I know you've got a lot going on with Mike-"

"The only thing I got going on tonight, is you." he quick to reassure her.

Donna smiles before taking a seat in the back of the Lexus, greeting Ray in the process.  
Harvey's quick to follow her.

The play was a success. As usual. Even though she got her fair share of standing ovations and praise throughout the week, today was different. Seeing Harvey sitting in the front row felt oddly good. Seeing him enjoy this side of her was a new experience for both of them. They often enjoyed each other's company outside the confines of the office, but this was different. This felt right.

She doesn't know that it is, but once she stepped inside her dressing room and saw him there, waiting for her, something inside of her bubbled with anticipation and hope.

That only intensified when he told her that they have a reservation at Del Posto. Weird. One might think that it was a date.

"I swear to God if you don't shut up now, I'm leaving this restaurant!" Donna mock threatened.

"I can't help it if you were that good, Donna!" Harvey defends himself.

Donna blushes at his words. "Please." She scoffs before continuing. "Continue."

Harvey laughs, which makes her laugh too.

A few hours pass and Harvey and Donna are still sitting at Del Posto enjoying each other's company. It didn't matter if it was at the firm or somewhere else. They liked spending time with each other.

"So." Donna interrupts their silence. "What prompted you to come to my play?" She just had to know.

Harvey gulps down the remaining of his wine and looks at her pointedly. "I told you before. I'm a Donna fan."

"Harvey."

"Okay fine." He sighs."I wanted to surprise you. Is that so hard to believe?"

Donna smiles. "Yes."

After that conversation they paid their bill and Harvey offered that they take a walk towards Donna's apartment.

They strolled through the streets of New York in close proximity, laughing at each other stories. "You did not do that." Donna laughs.

"But I did."

"Harvey. You don't know how to sing."

"I was six, Donna." There's no point, but he tries to defend himself.

"Oh what I wouldn't give to see that!" Donna looks at him, amused. "I might have to call Marcus…"

Harvey interrupts, mortified: "You do that and I'll fire you."

They were so engrossed into the story, that they didn't see Donna's building before them. Sighing, Donna looks at Harvey. "Thank you for today, Harvey. I enjoyed it."

"I did too,Donna. I did too." With that they bid their goodbyes and parted ways. Ready to see each other the next day.

Her thoughts were so occupied with memories that she didn't hear the doctor leave, just Harvey calling out her name.

"You spaced out, huh?" He's grinning. That grin.

"No." Harvey raises his eyebrows which makes her sigh in defeat. "Okay, yes."

Before either of them had the chance to continue with the conversation, a soft knock interrupted them. It was Rachel.

"Harvey, Hi. Is D-." Rachel stops in her tracks as she sees her best friend awake. Quickly rushing to her side, Rachel envelops Donna in a hug while tears start streaming from her face. "You're awake."

"Of course I am. I'm Donna. Nothing will break me." Donna smiles.

Hearing her best friend's words Rachel tears up again. "Donna- " Harvey's phone ringing interrupts them.

He takes a look at the caller ID and says, with a clenched jaw: "Excuse me, but I have to take this." With that Harvey leaves the room.

Closing the door behind him Harvey looks at the caller ID once again. Paula Agard.  
It's been a week since he heard her voice. Even though she tried to call him several times, his mind was too preoccupied to think about anyone other than Donna.

He was too busy worrying about his best friend that he completely forgot about his current girlfriend.

For someone who is in a relationship, Harvey doesn't feel all that good when he answers the call. "Paula?"

"Hey there, stranger." She's far too cheerful for his taste right now.

"What do you want Paula?" He's trying to usher her.

"I wanted to know if you're free for dinner tonight. We haven't seen each other in a while."

Harvey looks in the direction of Donna's room, thoughtful.

"Harvey?"

"What?" That breaks him from his thoughts.

"The dinner?" Paula questions.

"Oh.. I don't know Pau-"

Before he has a chance to finish his sentence, Paula interrupts him: "We haven't seen each other in a while, Harvey. You're always busy."

"What does that even mean?" Irritation slowly making itself known in Harvey's voice.

"I miss you." He can hear her sigh. "I want us to have a nice evening together."

Harvey rolls his eyes. "I can't."

"Harvey-"

"I am busy Paula." With that Harvey abruptly ends the call and makes his way to Donna's room - not before making a detour to the hospital's cafe.

Slowly opening the door, Harvey peeks inside the room.

What he sees before him makes his insides warm with affection. Donna was laughing at something Rachel said.

As he steps inside the attention shifts to him. Following Donna's questionable gaze, he announces: "I brought food."

Both ladies laugh. "You do know that's ice cream, right?" Donna asks, grinning.

"It has chocolate and bananas, Donna." He tells her seriously. "That's a part of a healthy breakfast."

"You know I don't eat the bananas, Harvey." That makes him look at her in a way that says I sure do.

Rachel watches the exchange in amusement. They're so obvious. "Okay, I better go now. Mike needs help on a case." Standing up, she gives Donna a hug and pats Harvey's back before leaving.

Once Rachel leaves, Harvey takes her place beside Donna's bed. "How are you?"

Donna looks at him and rolls her eyes. "I'm good Harvey."

Harvey raises his eyebrows.

"Harvey."

"Donna."

Before she has a chance to say something, a yawn escapes her lips.

Harvey chuckles. "Someone's sleepy, huh?"

"I'm not."

"Go to sleep, Donna."

"You're not the boss of me, Harvey."

Harvey smirks. They both engage in a staring contest before Donna gives in.

"Okay, fine. But don't think you're getting off that easy, mister. After I wake up, you will tell me who that was to make you this pissed."

Harvey's stunned. "How?"

"I'm Donna. I know."

Harvey rolls his eyes as he watches her close her eyes and make herself comfortable.

Not too long after he hears her breathing even out.

Their night was rough. Donna kept waking up throughout the night, complaining about the sharp pain in her arm. Feeling helpless, the only thing Harvey was able to do was call the nurse. She gave Donna some painkillers with a promise to have it looked at in the morning. Being loopy on painkillers, Donna fell asleep immediately with Harvey watching over her.

In the morning, as promised, Donna had some exams done which revealed that her arm was healing nicely and the pain she felt was normal. After that she was wheeled back into her room - Harvey in tow.

Which is where they are now, three hours later.

"You want something to drink?" Harvey asks.

Donna nods but before Harvey makes his way to get her water, she says: "I want coffee."

"You know you can't have coffee."

"What about decaf?" Donna pleads.

"Ugh, fine." With that Harvey stand up and makes his way towards the door. Before he opens it, he turns around to look at her. " You're a bad influence, woman!"

"You know it!" Donna winks and Harvey leaves the room.

Exiting the elevator, Harvey makes his way to Donna's room. As he turns the corner he spots Paula. What the hell?

"What are you doing here Paula?"

"I'm here to take you to lunch." She smiles.

Harvey inwardly rolls his eyes. "I can't Paula."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm busy."

"With what? Getting coffee?"

"Don't."

"Harvey, you haven't called me in a week."

Harvey inwardly rolls his eyes. "Paula.."

"Don't do it." She says.

"What?" He's getting irritated slowly.

"Don't tell me you're busy, when all you're doing is sitting around and playing a nurse to someone who isn't even that important."

That did it. "What did you just say to me?!" His voice is raised, laced with rage. How dare she speak like that about Donna?

"You heard me, Harvey."

"Don't you dare talk about her like that!"

"But she's not your girlfriend!" Paula flings her arms to prove her point, but instead manages to spill one of the coffee's that Harvey was holding.

Looking at the spilled liquid, Harvey's mood flips. He's so pissed, that not even a word comes out of his mind.

So, instead Paula continues her monologue. "You do know that I'm your girlfriend, right? You chose me, Harvey!"

"You know what?" Harvey looks at her seriously. "As much as I didn't want to do this, I'm choosing to undo it."

Paula's stunned. She didn't expect that. As tears start streaming from her face, she asks:"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry Paula. I wanted this to work more than you know. But how can I when I'm not in this fully?" His chocolate brown eyes hold all the apology, but he has to say it. "I hope you find someone that deserves you." He moves in to hug her briefly and then grabs the remaining cup of coffee as he makes his way towards his initial destination.

"Where have you been?" Donna asks as Harvey walks through the threshold of her room. "Europe?" She jokes.

Harvey smiles slightly, but his eyes don't. "I had run into someone and your cup spilled. I'm sorry."

Donna gives him a look before reaching for his cup. "You do know that we take coffee the same way, right?" She smirks as she takes a sip. Yup, even his cup is decaf.

Once she puts the cup on her little nightstand, she takes a good look at Harvey. He seems different. Something must've happened. "Are you okay?"

Harvey looks at those hazel eyes and smiles. "I will be."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey." Harvey sees Donna walking into his office.

"Hey."

Before she has a chance to say something, Harvey beats her to it. "Listen I was thinking about what you've said about me pitying you. And I don't. Nothing could be further from the truth. I think you're one of the most amazing women I've ever met. And just because I don't.."

Donna interrupts him. "I'm leaving you Harvey."

"What?" Surprise evident on his face.

"This isn't working for me anymore." Donna's trying hard to not break into tears.

"Donna, I know how you're feeling. But you just went through something huge with being on trial and you need to give it can't just quit." He's trying to talk her out of it.

"I'm not quitting. I'm going to work for Louis." She doesn't know who she's trying to reassure more. Him or herself.

"Donna.. Donna please." Harvey begs.

"Donna."

"Donna."

Wait, why is she hearing his voice so close to her?

"Donna." There it goes again. Where is it coming from?

"Donna, wake up." Hearing those words causes her to jolt from her sleep.

Feeling confused, she looks around the room. The first thing she notices is Harvey's concerned gaze.

"What?" She asks.

"You were talking in your sleep." Harvey's face lights up with a smile.

"Huh?" Donna too confused to even register what he's saying.

"You were talking in your sleep, Donna. Actually.." Harvey smirks. "You were mumbling my name." He pauses to look at her face before continuing. "Tell me. Were you dreaming of me?"

"I was not!"

Harvey raises his eyebrow.

Donna raises hers in return. They both stare at each other for a few seconds before Donna breaks.

"Okay, fine. I might have dreamt about something." As Donna recalls her dream, her mood changes, which Harvey notices.

"What's wrong?"

"You hate me."

Harvey's gaze softens. "Donna, I don't hate you." Quite the opposite, actually. He thinks to himself.

"Then why did I leave you?" She wonders.

Harvey stops in his tracks. Whatever he was about to say gets stuck in his throat.

"What do you mean?" He asks instead but he's met with silence. "Donna?"

"I had a dream. But it felt so real, Harvey." She pauses. "It felt so real."

"What was it about?"

"I was in your office and we were talking and then I said that I was leaving you. But the look on your face.. You were so pissed, Harvey." Seeing Harvey's pained expression Donna pauses her rambling and asks: "It wasn't a dream, huh?"

"I don't know what to tell you.."

"How about the truth?"

Seeing the determined look on Donna's face Harvey gives in after a moment. "It was in the past, Donna. It doesn't matter that much. And you know what the doctor has said, I can't force you to remember everything. You need to remember everything, piece by piece, by yourself."

Donna huffs. "Well, screw that! I need to know Harvey!"

"Donna."

"No, Harvey! Don't you dare say that it will all come back eventually, because it's been three weeks already!" Frustration evident on her face. "I hate not knowing everything."

Seeing Donna sad was always his weakness, so when she almost broke down it was as if someone had punched him in his gut. His gaze softens as he makes her look at him. "Look, I can't make you remember what you went through. But I'll tell you my part of the story. How about that?"

Not wanting to reveal everything straight away - as those were the Doctor's instructions, Harvey goes for a better approach. "The only thing that I want you to know is that whatever happened in the past has brought us right where we are."

"That still doesn't answer my question Harvey."

Harvey chuckles. "It's the best I can do, Donna! You don't want me to break doctor's orders, right?"

Donna remains silent.

"Donna?"

She rolls her eyes at him. "Shut up."

"Donna, please."

"I hate you." She huffs which makes Harvey almost burst out laughing. God, this is even better than drunk Donna.

"No you don't."

Donna raises her eyebrow at him. "You know what? If you're gonna continue making fun of me, then you might as well leave."

That makes him give her a questioning look.

"I'm serious, Harvey."

"Fine." Sighing in defeat Harvey stands up and makes his way towards the door. Though hearing her voice call out his name makes him halt in his steps. Turning around he looks at her as if to ask if she wants something else.

"Will you bring back some food? This hospital food is awful."

"Sure."

It's been a while since Harvey left her room and Donna was getting bored.

It might have been the fact that Harvey left or that everything in her room felt too familiar. She doesn't know. But what she knows, is that she would gladly go home any day now.

Before she has a chance to get a book from her nightstand to kill her boredom, the sound of opening doors interrupts her.

Not even bothering to look up she says: "Finally. What took you so long?"

"Some of us have to work, Donna." Rachel laughs as she nears her bed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were Harvey."

Rachel grins. "Nope. Still plain old Rachel"

That makes Donna laugh. "Speaking of work.. How are things there?"

"As well as they can be without you and Harvey."

"What do you mean?" Donna asks.

"Well.." Rachel tells her everything that happened in her absence, mindful of the fact that her best friend doesn't remember a lot of things.

"There's no way in Hell that Louis did that!"

"Oh, but he did." Rachel laughs. "He went up to an associate and gave him a raise just because he took care of his cat."

"Oh, him and his cats. Never-ending love story." Donna chuckles.

Rachel sighs.

"What?" Donna asks.

"It's just nice having you back."

"Even if I don't remember a lot of stuff?"

"Yes." Rachel tears up which makes Donna wrap her arms around her best friend and hug her.

"I love you Rachel."

"I love you too, Donna."

Harvey strolls through the hallways that have become all too familiar to him in the past three weeks. Nearing Donna's room he balances the bag of take out in one hand in order to reach for the door handle and opens the door.

He watches as Donna's eyes light up at the sight of the familiar logo on the take out bag. "Shitty thai place. As the doctor ordered." Harvey announces.

Donna rolls her eyes. "Finally."

"Here you go. All of your favorites." Putting the take out on the table, Harvey pushes it towards her. "Just like you ordered."

"Why thank you kind sir." Seeing her favorite dish, her eyes widen. "You didn't have to, Harvey."

"And get one of your monologues? No, thank you. I'd rather live." Harvey mock shudders.  
"I learned a long time ago not get between you and your favorite pad thai chicken."

"Good boy." Donna praises him as she digs into her box of said food.

That makes Harvey chuckle.

Few minutes pass as they eat in silence before Harvey speaks. "Donna?"

"Huh?" She looks at him with her mouth full

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Donna wonders.

"For not helping you with your memories." That makes Donna chuckle.

"You really are something, Specter." Though seeing his face sobers her up. "I'm not mad at you."

"Really?"

"What? You think I'm gonna get mad at you for something that's out of your control?"

"Won't be the first time."

Donna rolls her eyes. "We agreed to never speak of that."

Harvey smirks. "But it was the last tub of chunky monkey, Donna."

"Harvey!"

"That's what you told me." Harvey chuckles. "And then you started almost crying because we ran out of your favorite ice cream."

"I thought that we would never speak about that time I got sick?" Donna frowns.

Harvey looks around the room just to mock her. "I don't see anyone here. Do you?"

Donna rolls her eyes at his antics. "You're an idiot."

"And yet you agreed to work for me."

They both laugh at that.

"And then I climbed up on the piano and started singing." Harvey looks at Donna to see her smile at the memory he just shared with her.

After they finished eating, Harvey started telling her stories from the last four years, just to make her familiar with the things she's missed. In the midst of it all they started sharing stories from their childhood.

Donna seems intrigued. "My God. What did your dad do?"

"Well, the only thing he could do. Dad grabbed his sax and gave me some backup."

"Harvey. You can't sing." Donna points out.

"I was six Donna!" Just the look on her face prompts him to burst out laughing. Which makes her laugh in return.

A minute passes.

Donna has a smile on her face.

"What?" Harvey asks.

"It just nice that after years, I still get to find out things about you."

Before he has a chance to reply, his phone ringing interrupts them.

Fishing it out of his pocket, Harvey sees that it's his mother calling him.

"Hey, Mom." He answers with a smile on his face.

"Harvey. Hi."

"How are you?"

"Aren't I the one who should be asking you that?"

"Why?"

"I haven't heard from you for weeks, Harvey." Lily sighs. "The last time I heard from you was when you told me that Donna is in the hospital." That silences him for a second.

Harvey looks at Donna before answering. "I'm sorry about that."

He can hear Lily chuckle a little. "It's okay Harvey. Your mind was preoccupied."

"Yeah. About that-"

Before he has a chance to explain Lily interrupts him: "How about we go for a dinner? Seeing as out last one got interrupted and I want to meet Paula."

"I'm not with Paula anymore, Mom."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to discuss it now." Harvey says as he looks at Donna, uncomfortably.

"Let me guess. You're with Donna now and you don't want her to hear this."

Harvey chuckles. "Yeah."

"Then I won't keep you distracted anymore."

"You're not distracting."

"I'll call you later Harvey. Bye"

"Bye, Mom."

As he ends the call he catches Donna's curious and slightly confused look.

"Mom?"

"Yeah. She wanted to invite me for dinner.." Harvey starts explaining but then he stops, remembering one crucial point. "Right, you don't remember."

Donna's confused. "What?"

"Wait.. No. I can't tell you. "

Donna looks at him with her prove me wrong look that he received countless times over the years.

"I can't tell you." He tells her.

"But you will."

"No." He refuses.

"Yes."

"Donna."

"Harvey. Please."

"No." Harvey tries to not break. After all he did say that he can't reveal her memories for her.

Donna gives him her look. A look that made him break every time.

As much as he tries to stay strong, that look is his weakness. "Ugh. Fine. But that's the last time I tell you something."

"Good boy."

"You're impossible.."

"I'm Donna."

That makes them burst out laughing.

"You can ask 3 questions before I change my mind."

"What?"

Harvey smirks. "You want to know something and I can't tell you everything. This way I'm not breaking any rules."

"I hate you."

Harvey rolls his eyes.

After giving it a lot of thought Donna asks: "Who was that?"

"That was my mom. We reconciled about a year ago." Harvey can't help himself and share a bit of an added information with her.

"How?" Donna's stunned. She never would've thought that this would have happened.

Harvey contemplates for a minute whether to tell her or not before telling her anyway. "Actually. It was thanks to you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You gave me the final push to go and visit her." His gaze softens. "I couldn't be more thankful for that. Thanks to you I now have a relationship with my mother."

That renders her speechless which makes Harvey grin.

Minutes pass before she comes to her senses again. "So, tell me about that time."

"What do you want to know?" Harvey asks smiling.

"Everything." Donna smirks. She got her way.

"So, how do you feel about your relationship with Lily?" Donna wonders.

"I'm glad that I forgave her." Harvey lets out a deep breath. "Even after all these years it feels nice to have a relationship with her again. You know?"

Donna smiles. "I would've loved to meet her!"

At that Harvey's face breaks into a smile that reaches his eyes. "You actually did."

"Really?" Donna's surprised. "When?"

Harvey's smile becomes mischievous as he looks at the time. "Now that is for another time. Right now you need to go to sleep."

Donna frowns. "Have I ever told you that you're mean?"

"I don't think so.." Harvey teases.

"Well. I hate you."

"You're also tired." Harvey notes as he sees her fight back a yawn.

"I am not."

"You know that the doctor said that you need all the rest, right?"

Donna rolls her eyes as she scoots back on her bed and lays down. "Well, in that case you need to shower."

Harvey raises his eyebrow. "You're saying I smell?"

It's her turn to smirk now. "I'm not saying that. But I'm also not not saying that."

"Weirdo."

Donna laughs.

Once Harvey went home to shower Donna laid in her bed contemplating everything that she learned that evening.

She couldn't believe that Harvey forgave his mother. How did she get him to go see her?

But more importantly When did she meet her? How did she meet her? and Did she like her?

Those were the questions that occupied Donna's mind as she drifted off to sleep..

In all the years that she has worked for Harvey, there was only one person that was allowed to enter his office without her approval. And that was Gordon. So it was a surprise when Donna came back from the file room to see a stranger standing in Harvey's office looking at the painting.

Frowning, Donna slowly approached the intruder. As she got closer she heard the woman break the silence. "I remember exactly the day from this painting." The woman turned to the redhead. "Isn't that weird?"

"Excuse me?

"Oh right. I'm Lily Specter. Harvey's -"

"Harvey's mom." Donna finishes for the older woman.

"Yeah. And you are?"

Donna looks at the woman. The resemblance between her and her son uncanny. "I'm Donna. Harvey's -"

"You're Donna? This is wonderful! " Lily chuckles as her statement makes Donna blush.

"What do you mean?" Donna asks.

Lily's eyes widen and then she giggles. A familiar twinkle in her eyes. "Well, Marcus is a chatterbox."

"Don't I know it." Donna rolls her eyes and both women share a laugh.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Donna."

"You too Mrs. Specter." At the use of her last name Lily frowns.

"That was my mother in law. Just call me Lily." she insists.

"Okay, Lily."

Lily looks around the room. "You don't happen to know where my son is, do you?"

"He should be here any minute." Donna looks at the clock. "The court ended at two. He must've run into traffic though."

"Okay. Then I'll wait for him here."

"You know what? Let me keep you company while you wait. Do you want something to drink?"

Lily looks at the woman before her. Stunned with the warmth that radiates from her. "A coffee would be fine."

"Coming right up." With that Donna leaves to the executive kitchen.

"Wait, he actually did that?" Donna laughs.

"He sure did! He grabbed my clothes and put on some make up and begged to go with me."

They both burst out laughing. "I can't believe Harvey did that!"

"Believe me, I couldn't stop laughing. He was just a little three year old in my dress and my heels." Lily explains. "Actually, there are some pictures at home. Remind me to give them to you sometime!"

"Oh, I can't wait for them!" They both grin at each other. Which is how Harvey finds them.

"Donna, how many times have I told you that I want you out front? People need t-" Whatever he's about to say dies on his lips as he sees Donna laughing with his mother.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" He sets his briefcase down and goes to hug her.

"I came to see if you were free to grab something to eat." Lily can see the slight frown appear on Harvey's face. "But if you're busy, we can go another time."

That makes Harvey quick to respond. "No. We're going today!" He turns to Donna. "Please -"

Before he has a chance, Donna finishes for him. "Cancel your afternoon? Done. Have a great time you two!"

"Why don't you join us?" Lily suggests.

"No. I wouldn't want to intrude!"

"Please! You're not intruding!" Lily tries to convince her.

"I don't know.." She looks at Harvey, but all she can see is the twinkle in his pleading eyes.

"Come with us." Harvey tries. "There's free food in it for you." He teases.

"Okay. But only because I'm hungry." With that they make their way to a nearby restaurant.

After a lot of thinking they decided on Quattro Gatti seeing as Harvey was in the mood for Italian and it also didn't hurt that it was Lily's favorite kind of food.

Harvey decided to give Ray the rest of the day off, so he drove them to the restaurant himself in his Lexus.

Throughout the dinner, Lily could clearly see the way this young woman influenced her son. It was exactly what Marcus has been telling her for ages. You should see the way they are around each other, Mom! It's like they've been married for years!

Safe to say that ever since she saw the redhead, who was currently sitting on her left, she knew that she was someone special.

Not only from the way she spoke to her - with respect, humility and with a confidence that none of Harvey's past girlfriends had when speaking to her, but also from the way she treated her son.

Throughout the past she came across one or two of Harvey's girlfriends - one of them being Scottie, but she never saw them treating her son as an equal but also putting him in his place when needed.

Lily loved seeing that. She also loved seeing how Harvey's personality had changed.

She always blamed herself for the way Harvey changed after he saw her with Bobby. The way his eyes lost their sparkle and the boyish grin he used to have, but seeing the man before her - a man that once was the little boy who used to sit next to her when she painted - happily surprised her.

For the first time in years, Lily could see his true self. She could see the carefree, patient, goofy boy that used to always be fascinated with her paintings or with Gordon's music. She could tell from the first look, that the woman before her had something to do with the way her son has changed.

She just hoped that her son would see it too before it's too late.

They were enjoying each other's company, drinking wine and waiting for their dessert when Donna excused herself and went to the bathroom.

"She's a great woman." Lily notes as Donna leaves the table.

Harvey smiles. "That she is." But once he sees his mother's suggestive look he rolls his eyes. "No."

"But- "

"No, mom. She's just a friend." Harvey's expression saddens.

Before they have a chance to continue with the conversation, Harvey can see Donna walking back from the bathroom.

Once Donna sits down, they engage in a conversation about everything and anything until the waiter comes with their dessert.

"You trying to put on some weight there, Mister?" Donna teased him as she saw that he ordered two pieces of strawberry cake. He always did that at their anniversary dinners

"I guess, it's kind of a habit at this point," he smirked as he offered her the extra fork, so she could share it with him.

Seeing the gesture, Lily can't help but tease them. "So, when can I expect a wedding invitation?"

At that both Harvey and Donna choke slightly. "Really mom?"

Lily says, innocently: 'What?"

"Okay, I think that it's safe to say that we need to change the conversation here." Harvey says, embarrassed.

Lily laughs as she turns to Donna. "Did you know that strawberry cake is his favorite kind?"

Donna nods. "It's mine too."

"I can remember the first time he tried it. He loved it so much that half of it ended up all over him." Both women laugh and Donna can't help but turn to Harvey - a teasing glint in her eyes. "The great Harvey Specter being messy? Oh how I would've loved to see that!"

Harvey rolls his eyes but grins at the redhead. "I was four!"

That makes them all burst out laughing.

"Did you know that Harvey hates coming to work on time?" Donna asks the older woman.

Lily chuckles. "Oh, he was like that in high school! He slept way past his alarm and then was in such a hurry that it was a miracle that he didn't end up going to school in his pajamas!"

Donna's eyes widen. "So you were that boy!" Her gaze shifts to her boss. "We wouldn't have been friends in high school, that's for sure!"

"Don't tell me you were one of those girls!"

Donna rolls her eyes."No! I was too busy doing plays and having the perfect record."

"Oh really?" Harvey's eyes twinkle as a cheshire grin appears on his face.

At their exchange Lily's face breaks into a smile. They're so obvious.

Once they finished with their lunch, Lily asked Donna if she would go with them to Harvey's apartment but Donna refused - she didn't want to impose on their bonding time anymore. Instead Harvey offered to take Donna to her apartment on their way to his.

Throughout the drive they engaged in a conversation about the firm and everything that's been happening lately.

Once they came to Donna's apartment, it was time to say their goodbyes.

Once it was her turn, Lily enveloped Donna in a hug and whispered in her ear: "Thank you for being the special woman in my son's life." Once they parted, she then said, so that Harvey could hear: "I hope that we will see each other soon! It's been a pleasure to meet you, Donna!"

"You too, Lily!" Donna says, trying not to show how her words have affected her.

"See you tomorrow, Donna."

"See you bright and early, Harvey!" Donna teases.

Harvey rolls his eyes as he ushers his mother back into the car, but not before throwing a wink in Donna's direction.

Once they leave Donna shakes her head and makes her way inside her apartment with a smile on her face.

She was far too deep in her dream when she suddenly heard Harvey mumbling something.

Frowning, she opened her eyes and looked at him. He was sleeping on the pull out couch covered with a blanket that the nurses provided. It was a familiar sight to wake up to these days, but today was different. Today there were incoherent noises coming from his mouth that made Donna curious.

As much as she tries to decipher his mumblings, all she got was Paula. That's weird. Who is Paula?

Feeling curious as ever, Donna tries to wake Harvey up. "Harvey. Wake up." That didn't work.

Seeing a pillow next to her, she grabs it and throws it at him. That did it. Harvey woke up startled. "What?Who?" Confused, he looks around the room searching for an intruder. Instead his gaze falls on Donna's grinning face. "Donna!"

"Well look who finally woke up! Good morning sleeping beauty!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Donna rolls her eyes. "You were talking in your sleep."

"Really?" Harvey wonders. "That's why you decided to attack me?"

There's a teasing smile that appears on her face. "That's exactly why. You were mumbling something about Paula?" She looks at Harvey. "Who is she?"

That catches him off guard. What the hell? "What did I say about her?"

His question and demeanor intrigue her even more. "Who is she?"

Harvey emotions still too raw. "Ughm.. She's.. well.. How do I put this?"

Before they have a chance to explore this further a knock interrupts them.

It's Dr. Morrison.

"Well good morning guys!" She says as she approaches Donna's bed and takes a hold of her chart. "How are you today. Donna?"

Donna smiles at her doctor. "Ready to go home already."

That makes Dr. Morrison giggle. "We'll see about that."

Donna's hopeful gaze prompts the doctor to continue: "We just need to run some tests and once we get the results, we'll see if you're ready to go home."

"Really?"

Dr. Morrison nods as she scribbles something in her chart and then begins her exam routine.

Once she finishes her examination she sends Donna for a CT.

After Donna comes back, she and Harvey wait for the results.

"So, what do you think?"

"I just hope that I can go home soon."

"What, are you sick of me already?"

Donna ponders. "Yes." Then she sees his face. "I'm kidding."

Harvey shakes his head and they fall into a comfortable silence

Minute passes before Harvey breaks the silence. "Though it's gonna be nice not being in the hospital."

"Why?"

"You know why." Harvey says as he raises his eyebrow.

Right, that shoulder injury. "You hate them as much as I do, right?"

"Yeah."

And in that moment Dr. Morrison comes back.

"So, I have the results."

Both Harvey and Donna listen with high hopes.

Dr. Morrison takes a breath before she announces, with a smile: "I'm happy to say that you are free to go home tomorrow."

"Really?" They both ask, not believing it.

Dr. Morrison smiles. "Yes. I'm happy with the results and I don't see why you can't continue your recovery at home." She pauses for a moment before continuing. "Though, there will need to be a person with you, who will take care of you. Seeing as you can't do everything yet. You need to be resting as much as possible for the next three weeks before you come back and we take your casts off."

Donna frowns. "Okay."

"Do you know who will be staying with you?"


	6. Chapter 6

After three weeks filled with IVs, numerous tests and boredom, Donna is able to go home and recover there. Her time at the hospital has felt endless, but she knows that it was necessary for her wellbeing. Which is why she doesn't complain that much – okay, she complains a lot, but only to Harvey – about her boredom.

She is so used to being in charge around the firm and in her life, that her staying at the hospital frustrated her. So much so that when the doctor said that she was okay to go home, a big smile appeared on her face.

Just like it did when she spots the familiar number on her front door…

206\. That number has been with her through everything. From being that scared young woman in a new city ready to start her dream job to a badass legal secretary… to this.

Turning to her left, she looks at Harvey, who insisted on holding her bags, and smiles. Just yesterday she was ready to kill him and today she couldn't be more glad to have him here. Sighing, she unlocks her front door and they both cross the threshold.

Taking off their shoes and coats, they venture further into the apartment and Donna sighs taking the familiarity of the surroundings in, glad to be finally home. Looking around her apartment, she notices Harvey making his way towards her bedroom. Frowning, she asks, "Where are you going?"

"I'm taking these to your closet," Harvey answers but based on his tone, it is more of a question.

Donna shakes her head. "You don't have to do that."

Harvey smirks. "I know. But I want to."

Donna rolls her eyes at him. Idiot. Then she just watches as he makes his way to her bedroom, while she remembers their conversation from yesterday…

"Okay, so your results look good," Dr. Morrison says as she looks through Donna's chart. Looking back at Donna, she continues, "I'm happy to say that you are ready to go home."

"Finally." Donna sighs in relief. The doctor chuckles at her eagerness and asks,

"Do you know who will be staying with you?"

Before Donna can respond, Harvey beats her to it and says that she'll stay with him. Happy with their decision, Dr. Morrison leaves to finish the paperwork.

Once the doctor leaves, Donna turns to Harvey with a frown as her eyebrow raises. "What do you mean that I'll be staying with you?"

"I just thought…"

"What?" Donna's voice slightly raises.

"Donna…" Harvey tries to calm her.

"Don't 'Donna' me, Harvey! I'm a grown woman. I can be alone!"

"You might be an independent woman, but the medicine is making you drowsy and that's why you need to be with someone," he tries to reason with her.

Donna's blood boils at that. "And that has to be you?"

Harvey looks at her sheepishly. "Donna…"

"No."

"How about this?" Harvey asks after a while. "You know that I have to go to Boston for a week, so while I'm there, Rachel stays at your place with you and after I come back, I can stay there. That way you don't have to stay with me and you'll be the one calling the shots."

Seeing Donna's smile Harvey asks, "Deal?"

"I guess…"

Even though she wasn't all that happy about their arrangement, she knows that Harvey worries about her well-being. This makes her anger subside a little because if the roles were reversed, she knows that she would do the same.

Sitting down on her couch, Donna starts thinking about what the next few days would bring as she waits for Harvey to come back from her bedroom.

A few minutes pass before he comes out again and spots her sitting on the couch. Making his way towards her, Harvey sits down next to her and wonders out loud, "So, what do you want to do today?"

"We could watch something…," Donna offers.

"Sure. Let's see what is currently on." Harvey grabs the remote and surfs through the channels before making a suggestion, "What about Grey's Anatomy?"

"Seriously? I just came out of the hospital and you suggest that?! I want to watch something else."

"What…" Harvey switches the channel and his eyes light up in realization. "Star Trek?! We haven't seen that in a while."

"Then we need to change that!" They grin at each other. Then Donna interrupts, "Let me change into pajamas first, though." As she makes her way into the bedroom, she can hear Harvey laugh.

There's something about Scotty saying, "I'm giving her all she's got, Captain," to Kirk, that causes Harvey to shift his gaze towards his left, just like he did for the hundredth time that night, to look at Donna. After a few seconds of observation, he notices her shivering.

"Are you okay?" Harvey asks, concerned.

Donna nods, which makes Harvey's frustration grow slightly. God, she's stubborn as hell.

Harvey frowns and reaches for the blanket that's near them.

"What are you doing?" Donna asks.

"You are cold," Harvey responds and pulls the blanket over Donna's shivering body. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Donna looks at him with a raised eyebrow as she snuggles under the blanket. "I swear if you ask me one more time if I'm okay, then you better go home now!"

Harvey huffs out a breath and shuts up. After that, they continue watching TV in silence.

It's been a while since he's heard anything from Donna, so when the end credits start to roll, Harvey looks to his left and sees that she's fallen asleep. Over the last few weeks he has seen her fall asleep numerous times, but not like this. She looks comfortable and peaceful curled up on the side of her couch, covered with her favorite blanket, her mouth slightly pouting. The sight brings a smile to Harvey's face.

Checking the time, he sees that it's way past their newfound bedtime and thinks about what to do next. Should he wake her up? No, she hasn't been sleeping that well in the hospital. Should he carry her to her bed? Should he leave her here?

Deciding to go with the most reasonable option, Harvey stands up and gingerly picks Donna up, careful not to wake her up. Once she's settled into his arms, he sighs in relief.

Looking at her in his arms, he feels at home. Having her in his arms like this feels right. Like this is where he's supposed to be for the next thirty, forty or fifty years. He also knows that they're not ready for that yet. Maybe soon.

Smiling slightly, he carries her to her bedroom.

Crossing the threshold of her bedroom, Harvey tries to suppress the thoughts of scattered clothing, strawberries, whipped cream and moans as he reaches her bed where he gently lays Donna on it. After making sure that she's alright, he covers her up and makes his way towards the living room, where he lays down on the couch and falls asleep.

The next morning, Harvey wakes up to some shuffling in the kitchen. Opening his eyes, he frowns as he tries to look for Donna. Not seeing her, he decided to go see what she was doing.

As he makes his way to the kitchen, the smell of coffee and vanilla overwhelms him and then his eyes spot her. Still clad in her silky red pajama set, Donna is way too busy making breakfast to notice him.

Deciding to make his presence known, Harvey clears his throat as he steps closer to her. "What are you doing?"

At the sound of his voice, Donna turns around and smiles. "Breakfast."

"Why are you up this early?" Harvey wonders because Donna hasn't woken up this early in a long time.

Donna chuckles. "I'm not the one who woke up early, Harvey. You just woke up later than usual."

Harvey frowns at her statement, but after he looks at the time, his eyes widen in shock. It is already ten. "Wait. But I–"

"Need to go to Boston? You can. But you need to eat this first." Donna finishes her final touches on the plate and presents it to him. Looking down at the freshly made pancakes, Harvey's eyes sparkle. "You're a lifesaver, Donna!"

"I have a lot of names, but I do answer to that, too!" She winks and they both laugh.

"I hope that you made something for yourself. We can't have you passing out in an empty apartment later."

Donna rolls her eyes at Harvey. Then she shows him her half-eaten plate and smirks. "Wouldn't give you the satisfaction of that, Mister! Now eat your breakfast and get out of here."

Harvey smirks, his worry fading at her remark. Yeah, she's alright.

"If something happens don't hesitate to call me, okay?" Harvey tells her after they said their goodbyes.

"I won't. Now go!"

"I mean it, Donna! If there's even a slight change in your condition, call. I don't care if it's 3 in the morning, I will come back." Harvey says persistent.

Donna huffs out a breath, which Harvey takes as an agreement.

"Bye, Harvey."

"See you in a week, Donna!" With that Harvey makes his way towards the elevator and down to his car, where Ray's waiting for him.

The next few days pass by quickly. For the first time in a while, Harvey decides to drive to Boston. It wasn't such a smart decision, but he knew that it was the most efficient one. So, when he arrives at his brother's place, he greets the family that is waiting for him with open arms and gets settled into the guest bedroom - because Marcus insisted that he has to stay with them.

They spend the rest of the evening catching up and when it is time for bed, Harvey picks up his phone and decides to text Donna. Once his text goes through, she immediately calls him and they chat for a few hours.

This quickly becomes their daily ritual.

Every day, once they are ready for bed, they will call and talk until one of them is too tired to continue.

They talk about anything and everything. What Donna did that day, what she ate or if she took her medicine. Every time, it was followed by a "Really, Harvey?"

Then they talk about what Harvey did. How his interaction with his mother went or how the divorce was proceeding.

Harvey enjoys the time he gets to spend with his family while settling his brother's divorce, but his mind is still miles away in New York. Miles away with Donna.  
And maybe that might be why he cuts his trip short and comes home on Friday instead of Sunday like he was supposed to.

After making it back to the Big Apple, Harvey drives to his apartment, where he collects a few clothes and some necessities to last him a few days before making his way to Donna's.

Knocking on her door, he is met with a confused look as the redhead sees him standing there.

"What are you doing here, Harvey?" She asks as she lets him in.

Grinning sheepishly at the redhead, Harvey responds, while taking his shoes off, "Don't think that I forgot about our deal."

"What deal?" Donna asks as a smirk starts to spread on her face. Harvey smirks right back at her.

As they make their way into the living room, Harvey looks around and notices the absence of the paralegal. "Where's Rachel?"

"She went home to bring some more clothes here," Donna says. "But I'll have to tell her that she doesn't have to come back."

Harvey tries to look innocent, but his smirk betrays him.

"Do you want to eat something?" Donna asks after a few minutes.

"Why not. Do you have something in mind?"

"We had Thai yesterday… Maybe we can have Italian?" Donna offers

"Sure. Which place?"

Donna thinks for a few minutes before answering, with a glint in her eyes, "Quattro Gatti. They make the best Tiramisu."

Harvey fetches his phone out of his pocket and dials the restaurant while muttering a quiet, "You and your Tiramisu."

"I heard that!"

Once their dinner arrived, they sat down and ate while catching up on their day. Afterwards they get comfortable in the living room and watched some movies until Donna got way too tired and goes to bed.

Just like their daily phone calls in Boston, they stick to a routine and spend the next few days just like this. On some days they switch it up to walks through the busy streets of New York or shopping trips. They spend more time together than they ever had before.  
Tired of take-out, one Friday morning, Harvey suggests that they should go somewhere for lunch. Donna instantly agrees. In the beginning, they couldn't decide on where to go - they had way too many favorite restaurants in common to pick from - until Donna suggested Carbone.

At the mention of that place, Harvey freezes immediately. "I don't know…"

Donna frowns. "But it's your favorite place." She then jokes, "Or did that change and I can't remember?"

They both chuckle at that, then Harvey suggests something else.

"No. How about Del Posto?" Donna asks instead. Harvey's eyes light up at the mention of their restaurant. Without waiting for his reply, because she already knows what it is, Donna heads for her closet to change into something else than yoga pants and a loose sweater.

"He didn't really say that." Harvey wonders wide-eyed. They have been sitting at their usual table for a while now. Just chatting about everything while simultaneously enjoying their desserts - strawberry cheesecake - because Donna had craved it for a long time.

"Oh, but he did!" Donna chuckles as something familiar crosses her mind.

"He didn't really say that."

"Oh, not only did he say it but I had to transcribe it word for word off his dictaphone."

"I can't believe that James said that." Harvey laughs.

"Yeah. Though, Addie was just a kid back then." Slightly frowning, she tries to get back into the conversation, but no luck. Her mind is in overdrive. What was that?

Way too busy trying to piece her thoughts together, she almost doesn't hear what Harvey says next, "Oh, how is she? Have you talked to her lately?"

"I did. She's way too busy being a badass doctor in LA."

Harvey's smile gets bigger at Donna's clear envy of her older sister. But her mind is still way too preoccupied to say anything else. Then she notices Harvey's grin. "What?"

"I just realized that I haven't thought about work or Marcus or hospitals for the last two hours."

There's something about that statement that sparks something within her. A memory perhaps. Of a similar time in this restaurant a few years ago, that makes Donna freeze for a little bit.

"Glad we did this, Harvey."

"Me too. We should do it more often."

All the memories of that night flood back, Donna's eyes widen and her frown appears as she tries to piece everything together.

"Donna?" Harvey's voice brings her back. Looking at his confused gaze, Donna raises her eyebrow questioningly.

"What's going on? You have been kinda strange for a while."

Damn it. He noticed. Donna thinks as another memory rushes back.

"I'm going to work for Louis."

"I worked for Louis," Donna says, but her statement feels more like a question.

"What do you mean?" Harvey's confused now. What the hell?

"I just remembered something." She pauses briefly. "I worked for Louis… I think."

Harvey's breath hitches in his throat. She remembers.

"Why did I work for him, Harvey?" Donna asks, and by the tone of her voice, Harvey knows that she's determined to know the answers. And he also knows that he's not getting out of this one easily.

Clearing his throat, he begins, "We had a case, years ago, and you got roped into it..."

"How?" Donna asks, confused.

"You wanted to help and did something illegal to get us the files, which resulted in you almost ending up in jail. Long story short, I saved you and then after the case was over, you didn't want to work for me anymore. So you went to work for Louis."

"But why did I leave, Harvey?"

Harvey becomes silent for a minute or two. Then he looks at her with his signature smile.

"Let's focus on the good things, shall we?"

Donna shakes her head, demanding that he at least tell her something. Because she has to know. "If you don't want to talk about why I left, then why don't we talk about how you felt?" Seeing Harvey's confused look, Donna continues, "We both know that you can't be you without me. So?"

Harvey gives her a look. A look that was way too similar to one he had seen years ago in a diner. Pursed lips and all. But once he sees that she won't budge from this topic, he sighs and starts, "After you left, I was in a bad place…"

"Clearly."

"Donna!"

Donna bursts out laughing. "Sorry."

"Okay, so as I said. I was in a bad place. So much so that I started having panic attacks. Which is why I had to see a therapist. Long story short, I am better now."

Seeing Donna's slight smile, Harvey asks, "What?"

"It's just nice to see you being open about stuff like that. Years ago I would have had to drag it out of you."

"No, you wouldn't."

Donna raises her eyebrow at him, challenging him.

And that's how the rest of their dinner goes. Chatting more about that time, Harvey's feelings about it, Donna teasing him…

"God, I would totally eat that strawberry cheesecake again!" Donna says as Harvey sits down next to her on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in his hands.

They had come home a while ago after they noticed how late it had gotten. Once they arrived home, they decided to watch a movie before going to bed. Which is where they are now, sitting on the couch, clad in their comfy clothes and a bowl of popcorn between them as the movie came to an end.

As the end credits of Parent Trap start, Donna turns to Harvey. "I have been thinking about something…"

"What?"

"Why did you hesitate on Carbone when I suggested it? I mean, it's your favorite place." Seeing Harvey's demeanor change, Donna continues her questions, "What happened that made you change your mind?"

Knowing that she would pester him more if he doesn't come clean now, Harvey clears his throat, defeated as he starts, "You see…"


	7. Chapter 7

Almost a week later, Harvey's adjusting the collar of his dark sweatshirt, getting ready to head to Donna's, as his mind is occupied with everything that happened that day.

Why did he have to be such an idiot? If he had kept his mouth shut, he wouldn't have to be here, wallowing in self-pity. But then again, she's Donna, and she would have found out either way.

He should have told her sooner. But he also couldn't. Because from what Donna's doctor told him and from what he's researched, Harvey knows that it wasn't exactly great to tell Donna everything. She has to remember herself.

Quickly downing the remains of his scotch and going over everything that he might need, Harvey makes his way towards the garage and into his car, all the while thinking about that time when everything came crashing down…

"You see…" Harvey scratches the spot near his ear - a telltale sign indicating that he is nervous. But one look at Donna's arched eyebrow tells him everything. She needs answers. And she needs them now.

"So?" Donna asks, her eyebrow raised, urging him to hurry up.

Clearing his throat, Harvey begins: "Before you start, it was a while ago, okay?" Donna nods, so Harvey continues: "I was dating someone…"

After explaining how he had started seeing his therapist after his panic attacks - Donna widened her eyes at that - when his life got knocked off course by unseen circumstances,  
Harvey talks about how he found himself at said therapist's door, a year later, wanting to start something.

Then he goes on about how Paula - as Donna learned her name was - had wanted to celebrate their two months anniversary at one of Harvey's favorite places, Carbone.

Not hearing anything from Donna for a while, Harvey looks up at the redhead to find her eyes resembling frisbees.

"Oh my God, Harvey!" She exclaims.

"What?" Harvey frowns.

"You have a girlfriend and you didn't tell me?" Donna wonders and Harvey can hear something cracking in her voice. Was it pain?

"I-" He clears his throat, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I guess I forgot because my mind was a little preoccupied." Before she has a chance to interrupt him, Harvey starts telling her about it. "We broke up about a month ago. And I would have told you about it, but this happened and I guess it slipped."

"You mean the accident? Really?"

"Not now, Donna!" Great, now he's getting frustrated.

"Yes, now!" Donna's tone shifts an octave before it goes back to her regular one as she asks: "You have to be honest with me, Harvey. Why did you not mention that you have a girlfriend before?"

"Because I -"

"Don't start with that accident again! We both know that that's not why you did that. Is it?" Donna interrupts him with a question.

"No." Harvey shakes his head. "I guess things between us didn't work out the way they were supposed to. And I kinda wanted to brush it off..." He trails off which causes Donna to roll her eyes. "You're hopeless."

"Well, excuse me that I didn't want to talk about my ex-girlfriend when you were laying in a hospital-," he starts but then he realizes what he's said and stops mid-sentence.

That throws Donna off guard slightly. "Huh? When did you want to mention that?"

Harvey smirks, amused. "When you stopped panicking about my love life." But then he sees Donna's gaze shifting elsewhere as she rolls her eyes, which tells him she didn't find it funny at all. "You know that it doesn't matter now, right?"

"I do. It's just…"

Hearing the pain in her voice as she drifts off, Harvey nods. "I know."

"Do you? Because you've been by my side all this time and you forgot to even mention that you had a girlfriend. Don't you think that that's something I should have known?"

Harvey could feel that it hurt her to some extent by the way she slightly shifted her weight to her left leg and furrowed her eyebrows. She always did that whenever she was frustrated. But what he doesn't know is the reason why it bothered her. She doesn't even remember it. But then why did he feel guilty about not telling her? It's not like Donna was his girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, I just…I didn't think about her that much after we parted. It was kind of messy but it turned out the way it was supposed to."

Donna dismisses him. "Why don't you stay at your place tonight? I want to be alone for a while."

"Donna -" The look she gives him quickly shuts him up.

One night quickly turns into three. As much as he understands her decision to be alone, to some extent, his need to be near her, to care for her, to protect her, overpowered him, which is why he was now on his way to apologize - or at least hoping to.

Once she opens her door, hazel meets dark brown, and suddenly he forgets why he came here in the first place. Once Donna asks, his face becomes serious. Clearing his throat, he says: "I came here to apologize."

"For what?" Donna asks once she invites him in.

"For not telling you sooner. I just wanted to wait for a better time, but I guess that didn't work out."

"You think?" Donna jokes, then she sees the sad look on his face and that prompts her to become serious, "It's not… You know what? I'm tired of this. I don't like it when we fight," Donna says which makes Harvey smile.

"So, all's good?"

"Yeah. Unless there's something else that you're hiding from me?"

Harvey's raised eyebrow makes her smile slightly. "Good."

"Good." Harvey agrees.

A moment passes before Harvey suggests that they order some food from that shitty Thai place. Donna bursts out laughing and calls him an idiot.

They are back to being them. At least for now

"You remember that time Big Bertha caught us drinking scotch way too late one day?" Donna asks, laughing.

Once their Thai food arrived, they sat on her couch and dug in, reminiscing about their days at the DA's office.

"Of course, I remember! That woman gave me weird looks for a week after!" Harvey shivers as he fondly remembers the time when everything was way more simple.

"Well, you were the one who almost drank all of Cameron's scotch!" Donna says, but the look on Harvey's face prevents her from further embarrassing stories from that time. Instead, with a tender smile on her face, she asks: "Do you ever miss it? Working there?"

Without hesitation, Harvey answers: "I don't. I feel like being a corporate lawyer is where I'm supposed to be. And I wouldn't change that." Then he cocks his eyebrow at her questioningly. "What about you? Do you miss being the badass at the DA's office?"

Donna chuckles, "I am a badass no matter where I work," before she becomes serious again. "I don't know. But lately, I feel like there's something missing."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, Harvey. But it bothers me."

He can hear a slight hint of annoyance in her voice. Taking a deep breath, he asks, "Do you think that it has to do with your amnesia?"

Seeing Donna nod slightly, Harvey tries to comfort her. "You will figure it out eventually. Don't worry."

Donna sighs. "I mean, the doctor said that I would feel like that sometimes. I just… I want this all to be over. I want to feel like me again."

It hurts. Seeing her like this was something Harvey thought he'd never get to experience. In all the time that he's known her, she was this strong, independent woman. Now everything's changed after the accident. She feels like a whole different person. But again, having your memory stripped from you does that to you.

As much as it pains him to see her like this, he wants to be by her side and help her figure everything out.

After Donna falls asleep that night, Harvey cleans up the boxes from their take out, grabs his laptop and settles onto the couch.

After replying to some emails and looking over his schedule for the next week, Harvey starts thinking about Donna and their earlier conversation.

Even though her mannerisms haven't changed and she might look strong to everyone around her, her revelation told him that she was vulnerable, lost, and while it might be normal for patients with amnesia, he did his research, it wasn't normal for Donna.

This is why, most days, he tries to occupy her mind with different thoughts - happier ones. Like their time at the DA's office, their Del Posto anniversaries or even Donna's plays. Most days it ends with Donna laughing as she curls up further into her blanket on the couch and teases him, but then there are days like this one. Full of sadness, tears and sometimes silence.

Those are the days that Harvey wishes that her memory would just magically appear all at once like in those cheesy rom-com movies Donna makes him watch before falling asleep.

He hated seeing her like this and he hates that he can't help her. But he would at least do his best and try.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's okay if you're a little late, Harvey," Donna says into her phone as she looks at Rachel, sitting opposite her at the dining table.

It's been almost two weeks since she was released from the hospital and surprisingly, Harvey spending more time at her apartment than his doesn't bother her that much. In fact, she quite enjoys his company.

Never in a million years would she have thought that she would like having him in her home as much as she did. She loves this domestic side of him. How carefree he is when he isn't worried about her every goddamn second. Or how his shoulders aren't burdened by all that stress.

She really enjoys it.

She also enjoys the occasional Friday evenings at her place, filled with laughter, drinks - a sparkling juice while she was still on medication, and stories from their childhoods.

Ever since she had been released from the hospital, both she and Harvey had fallen into this routine of sorts. Harvey would wake up before Donna, go on his run while she did her morning yoga routine and then they would have breakfast. Later in the day they would go somewhere for lunch, take a walk through the nearby park or go on a shopping spree.

When they would get home they would order take out and after dinner, Donna would read a book while Harvey worked, sitting on the couch near her. Then they would just watch some movies, talk and drink until one of them fell asleep.

As much as they have been enjoying this routine, it was getting way too repetitive and boring. And that's why Harvey suggested that she invite Rachel over tonight for a girl's night and he would go and be with Mike.

Donna suggested that they invite both Mike and Rachel over instead. Harvey agreed and that's when he remembered the meeting he had scheduled with Mr. Jacobs to go over his deal at Specter Litt.

Which is where he's now trying to hurry everything up to not be later. His meeting ran over and their friends have already arrived at Donna's.

Rolling her eyes at his remark, Donna tells him to take all the time he needs and ends the call. Then she looks at her best friend and sighs at the smirk that's slowly appearing on the brunette's face.

"Don't."

That just makes Rachel smirk more. "You're just way too cute. Domestic like that and all."

Donna rolls her eyes and both Mike and Rachel chuckle.

A minute or two passes before Donna breaks the silence. "So, how are things at work? Did Louis burn down the building yet?"

Rachel laughs. "Thankfully, no. We all just miss you. It's not the same without you."

"Yeah!" Mike agrees. "Although, it's nice not having Harvey around. He's just a pain in the ass."

That makes Donna chuckle. "Instead he's a pain in the ass here."

"Really? How so?" Rachel asks before Mike can make a teasing remark.

"He always worries about everything. Is always reminding me to do this and that. The other day I almost threatened him again." She sighs. "But other than that, it's interesting to see another side of him, you know? From what I can remember, he was always tense at work..."

"I wonder why." Mike coughs.

Donna raises her eyebrow, encouraging him to continue.

Mike clears his throat. "How have you been by the way? What are the doctors saying? When can you come back to work?"

"I'm good. I have an appointment next week to take off my cast, but other than that I feel ready to get back to normal. Or at least my new normal."

"Well, we can't wait for you to come back," Rachel says as she picks up on her friend's sudden mood change. Mike just agrees with her, nodding his head.

Looking at his watch, Mike jokingly says: "So, did Harvey get lost on the way here?" Mike's remark earns him an eye roll from both ladies present.

"Who knows?"

"Let's be honest, Donna. He's hopeless without you."

"Mike!" Rachel reprimands him.

"Don't you remember how he was when she left -" Footsteps coming from the hallway interrupt him. Looking up, Mike's eyes widen when he sees Harvey approaching them with his eyebrow raised and a stern look on his face. A look that might as well say: "Say one more word, I dare you!"

Clearing his throat, Mike says instead: "I mean when you were in a coma." Then he turns to Harvey, who sits down next to Donna. "Right, Harvey?"

Harvey just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "You're still a dick, Mike." After Mike rolls his eyes, Harvey continues: "So, what did I miss?"

Once Harvey's all caught up on their conversation, he goes to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of Macallan 18, which had magically made its way into Donna's collection. Then he goes back to the living room and tells the group about his meeting. Afterward, they start talking about old cases and times at the firm that Donna still remembers.

It's been a long time since they were like this, just the four of them, enjoying each other's company without anything corporate worrying them. It was rare these days - with Rachel and Mike's schedule and whatnot. But they did their best to stay in touch. Whether it was through texts, calls or Friday night meetups.

There is something about tonight and Mike's words that makes Donna miss working at the firm a lot though. She is ready for her appointment in the upcoming week and really hopes the doctor will give her the all-clear.

"The X-ray indicates that your arm healed up nicely. But I would like it if you wore your soft splint for a couple of weeks. Other than that you're good to go."

"Does that mean that I can go back to work?" Donna asks, way too excited.

"I don't see why not." Dr. Morrison says with a smile. Then she types up something on her computer and turns to Donna. "If your arm starts to itch uncontrollably or the pain is unbearable, then let us know and I can prescribe you something for it."

"Okay." Donna nods, eager to get out of there, as she looks at Harvey with a smile on her face.

"Well then. I think that's everything, of course, if you don't have any questions." Seeing Donna shake her head, the doctor smiles. "Great. Then I'll see you next time!"

Making their way out of the office after they say their goodbyes, Harvey turns to Donna once they reach the hallway. "You're finally ready to come back to work!"

Agreeing with a big smile on her face, Donna suggests that they walk home instead of taking a cab, seeing as Harvey let Ray have the rest of the day off. Harvey agrees and they start walking towards Donna's apartment that's only a few blocks away.

In all their years together, they have taken many walks throughout the city, each one filled with witty remarks, laughter, and appreciation of nature. This one took a different turn once they reach an all too familiar building.

Donna's old theater. A place where she spent what little free time she had. A place that holds many fond memories. A place that creates a sudden feeling of longing in her.

Seeing something in Donna's eyes, Harvey asks: "You miss this place, don't you?"

Of course, Harvey would notice, Donna thinks as she answers: "Kind of. It just holds a special place in my heart, you know?"

He does. He can also remember all the times he spent hidden in the audience, watching her performance and cheering her on. Whether she knew about him being there or not, he thought that she was astounding every time.

So yes, he misses that time, too.

And that's why the next words out of his mouth are a suggestion that they visit someday soon. She agrees with a smile on her face.

As they continue their journey home, a neon sign catches their attention. They share a look and Donna grins at Harvey. "What do you say?"

Looking at his watch for an added effect, Harvey returns Donna's smile with a raised eyebrow. "It's 9 AM."

"It's tradition."

"It's breakfast time."

"Which is why God made Chunky Monkey. It has chocolate and bananas. Bananas are a part of a healthy breakfast."

"You don't even eat the bananas, Donna," Harvey remarks which makes her roll her eyes as they enter the ice cream parlor.

Once the waitress placed their order - chocolate for Harvey and Chunky Monkey for Donna - down and left, Donna notices Harvey's hooded eyes and a smile gracing his features. Curious, she asks: "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

Donna raises her eyebrow, which makes Harvey give in easily.

"The last time we were here." After seeing Donna's confused expression, he continues. "You remember how we went to Del Posto after your latest play, right?" Donna nods. "So, months after that your friend called you that she was sick and couldn't perform that week, so you offered to take her place. Once the day came, I wanted to surprise you and took you to the theater. After the play, we came here and you stole all the chocolate from my ice cream like you're doing now."

At Harvey's words, Donna's arm freezes mid-bite. Breaking the spell, she looks at Harvey and remarks: "It's not my fault that you don't eat your ice cream quick enough!"

"You're one to talk, Ms. I don't even eat the bananas." Harvey points out.

"But you do," she's quick to remark which causes him to shake his head and smirk as another memory crosses his mind.

"We've been doing this since the DA's office, Donna. Do you remember that time we shared one whole tub of Chunky Monkey during one night?"

They start laughing as they recall that memory of them being young, careless and clueless at the DA's office, long after hours, sharing drinks after a difficult case when Donna busted out a brand new tub of her favorite ice cream.

What started as a celebration became a long-lasting tradition over the years.

Every time there was something to celebrate, whether it was a professional or a personal victory, they would always do something to mark the occasion. At first, it started with a pair of tumblers filled with scotch after hours in his office. But once Donna started acting more frequently, their ritual transferred to an ice cream parlor near the theater.

They haven't been at this place in years. Ever since Donna stopped acting, they were just way too buried in work to even think about anything other than what was happening at the firm.

And maybe that's why they felt that today was the perfect occasion to visit their place again.

Donna was finally remembering more, she was off her meds and she got her cast removed. And that, in Harvey's opinion, deserved something special to mark the occasion, something that was theirs.

As usual, they joked around, talked about work, and before they knew it, it was time to leave.

So they collected their stuff, paid their bill and continued walking towards Donna's apartment.

For Harvey, working from home was great. Why? Well, you can work whenever you want to and it doesn't matter if you're in your PJs or decked out in a designer suit. It was really great, but like all great things, even working from home as a corporate lawyer had a slight flaw. Scheduled meetings at the office.

Harvey hated that.

In the last few weeks that he spent at Donna's place, he got so used to her presence that leaving her alone now terrifies him slightly. It had been like that ever since she came home from the hospital. Whenever he left her place, even if it was just for a quick run, his mind was busy conjuring up every possible scenario in his head.

Was she okay? Did she eat something? Did she take her medication? Did she faint?

But over time, after Donna insisted multiple times that she was capable of looking after herself, Harvey luckily managed to not worry that much, because it was slightly interfering with his meetings. And that wasn't good. But the worry was still there, and maybe it would always be there.

He'd just have to cope with it better.

In the meantime, he just has to go through yet another important meeting. A meeting that has been scheduled for weeks now. After they left the ice cream parlor, Harvey looked through his calendar and that's where he saw, in bright red letters, that he had a new meeting planned with Ionic industries tonight.

Even though that meeting had been scheduled for weeks, Harvey would've rather wanted to stay at home. Over the weeks that he had stayed at Donna's, he'd gotten used to the warm and comfortable feeling of her apartment. It had started to feel like home.

It wasn't entirely about the place. It was more of a feeling of belonging that he had whenever he crossed the threshold. Whenever he looked around and his eyes landed on the redhead curled up on the couch reading a book or watching a movie, he knew that he was at home.

Sure, the additional toothbrush placed in a cup on the bathroom counter, a sock scattered here and there, or his preferred blanket residing next to hers indicated that he was more than at home here, but it wasn't just about that.

It was the small things. Like Donna smiling at him whenever he came home, or the warm fluttering it caused inside his chest whenever she did so. Or the smell of her shampoo whenever she passed by him.

And that's why he was constantly worried whenever he went out of the door.

Harvey was scared that whenever he left, he would get a call that something happened and everything would disappear. Like it almost did last time.

But he also vowed that it wouldn't happen again. Because this time he got a taste of what everything feels like, and he's not letting go.

Because he belongs here, even though he knows that she's not ready for that. He will do his best to be there whenever she will be.

But in the meantime, he has a meeting to attend.

Once Harvey closes the door on his way out, Donna makes her way to the couch and yawns as she curls up with a blanket. It was only 10 AM and she was exhausted. She's been like that for the past few days - just spiking slight fevers out of nowhere and getting dizzy. But she didn't want to go back to the hospital, so that's why she tried to hide it from Harvey. She knew that he would bring her there as soon as possible if he found out.

And she didn't need him worrying if it was just exhaustion. She usually woke up at a decent hour, ready to take her meds. But ever since she took her last pill a few days ago, she couldn't fall asleep until about 2 AM and then she woke up before 8 every day.

It wasn't good, and she knew that. Which is why she made a mental note to ask her doctor about that at her last appointment when Harvey stepped out of the office to make a call. And seeing how the doctor said that she wasn't that worried about it, that it was probably just a side effect, Donna thought nothing of it.

Until today.

Today was surprisingly different when she woke up at her usual 7:30 AM. It was way too early for her, seeing how she didn't have to go to work.

But maybe it had something to do with Harvey making breakfast in her kitchen.

Even after weeks of cohabitation, she wasn't used to it.

Having someone staying at her place was weird. Normally she doesn't mind it when there's someone there - she had her parents stay at her renovated apartment numerous times and Rachel also stayed over on numerous occasions as far as she can remember.

But this felt oddly different. Domestic even.

Why did it feel like that? Was it because it was Harvey staying with her? Or was it because the last thing she remembers is feeling something at their last dinner, years ago, at Del Posto? Or was it because that feeling was resurfacing?

What she knows though, is that having Harvey at her apartment is something that she didn't mind. She might have liked it even. No matter how much Rachel teased her about it during their conversations.

As much as Donna missed her best friend, she liked talking to her on the phone during the odd nights when the brunette was free.

Though, as much as she liked their conversations in the dark, she enjoyed the surprise calls during the mornings when Harvey went to a meeting. It quickly became their ritual of sorts.

Grabbing her phone to check on her unread messages, Donna was quick to accept when Rachel called via facetime.

"Hello, sleeping beauty." Rachel chuckles.

"Hi, Rachel. How's the meeting going?"

"How would I know? I'm not the one who has everything bugged in this place."

"Now, that's such a distasteful word." Donna pouts.

"How about I make it up to you?" Rachel asks with a grin on her face. It was infectious because Donna grins right back at her. "Depends on what you're offering."

"Two tickets. Me, you and Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice? It's next Friday and I would love to go. I wasn-" Rachel stops mid-sentence, eyes wide when she remembers that she doesn't know if Donna remembers that she was in the play.

There's a moment of silence before Donna's eyes widen, too. "Wait. Isn't that the play that I did years ago?"

"You remember that?" Rachel asks, amazed.

"Of course I do. It's actually the last memory that I have before everything goes blank..." Donna trails off. "I miss it."

"What? Acting? Or?"

"I guess. I just… Lately, I've been thinking about something…" Donna trails off again.

"Please elaborate."

And that she does. They spend an hour talking about Donna's acting, how much she misses it from time to time, and some other things before Rachel has to go to a meeting. They part ways with Donna promising to call soon with an update.

As she makes her bed and then goes to the guest bedroom to clean up after Harvey, Donna starts thinking about everything that has happened in the past few weeks.  
From coming home from the hospital, her recovery to her time at Harvey's presence to her upcoming plans.

There was something about Rachel's invite that made Donna think about her work more.

As much as she would like to get back to the firm, it felt like there's something missing. Something way beyond the legal world. She just doesn't know what.

She hadn't discussed this with Harvey yet, but ever since they passed by her old theater, Donna feels a strange longing within her. It felt like being a legal secretary wasn't what she was supposed to come back to. It just didn't feel right.

And the conversation with Rachel had only confirmed it for her.

Today was quite productive for Harvey. Once he successfully signed with his client, he caught up with Mike, scheduled another meeting with his secretary, did some paperwork and made his way home. On his way to Donna's, he made a detour to her favorite Thai place.

As much as he claimed to despise it - just to get a rise out of her- he knew that it was her comfort food. And she needed that. Yes, he noticed.

While Donna might think that he doesn't notice anything, he knew that there is something bothering her for quite a while. He doesn't know what, but he wanted to help in some way - even if it was with shitty Thai food.

And that's why he's here, opening the doors with his key while holding take out boxes with one arm. Slowly, he makes his way towards the living room and he's about to speak, before stopping in his tracks at the sight before him.

Right there before him, curled up on the couch, was Donna - fast asleep. It wasn't an unusual sight but what makes it weird, was that she is mumbling something.

She's not sick, is she? Harvey wonders as he puts the take out in the kitchen. He has learned the hard way that Donna mumbled incoherent words in her sleep whenever she was sick.  
Just like last time.

Back then, he returned to the office after a morning trial, surprised to not find any signs of Donna being in the office. It immediately set off all red flags. If Donna was not at the office before him, something must have happened.

So, without thinking, he went to her apartment and that's where he found her. Sleeping and shaking while mumbling God knows what. And just like he covered her with a blanket once he saw her shaking then, he does it now.

Releasing a breath when she doesn't wake up, Harvey makes his way towards the guest bedroom, where he changes his clothes and works on his laptop while she sleeps.

Once Donna wakes up, they catch up on their days and reheat the take out - seeing as it was time for dinner…

Not even an hour later they are sitting on the couch, eating and reminiscing about the good old days.

Harvey is telling her stories about her acting when he notices the sad look on her face.

"What's wrong?" He asks, worried.

Donna's eyebrows furrow. "It's just… It feels weird."

"What?"

She's quick to respond with: "I don't know."

Harvey raises his eyebrow which makes Donna huff in slight frustration. "It's just this feeling. It has been eating at me for a week. And I didn't know how to tell you, because I don't know how you'd react. And I mean, you have been great throughout all of this…"

"Donna." Harvey can feel his heartbeat quicken.

"I've been thinking about what I want to do next, Harvey." She takes a deep breath before announcing: "I want to go back to acting."


	8. Chapter 8

_ “I’ve been thinking about what I want to do next, Harvey.” She takes a deep breath before announcing: “I want to go back to acting.”  _

  
_ Complete silence.  _ _   
_ _   
_ In all the years that he has known her, this has happened only once before. Years ago when there were a lot of uncertainties.   
  
But that was a completely different time. A different situation.    
  
_ “I want something more.”  _ _   
  
_

That sentence had confused him then. She wanted something he didn’t know how to provide her with. Or at least that’s what he thought.    
  
But now, she told him about her plans of pursuing her acting career and he doesn’t know what to do. His mind is running a hundred miles a minute. A familiar feeling of dizziness comes over him, he tries to breathe in order to calm his racing heart as yet another memory comes to the surface.    
  
_ “I’m leaving you, Harvey.”  _ _   
  
_

He knows this feeling all too well. And if he’s not careful, Donna will find out a piece of their past that he really wants to be forgotten. But he also reminds himself that he might have felt betrayed and lonely then, but it’s different this time.    
  


He knows that freaking out about it will do no good, so he’s trying to stay calm as the memories rush in. She’s not leaving him again.    
  


She’s just taking over the reins of her own life and trying to cope with something that neither of them saw coming. In reality, he’s quite proud of her and the way she tries to adapt to her new normal.    
  
Her ability to just adjust to everything was something he’s always admired about her.    
  


She has come a long way.  _ They both have.  _

  
If she had told him this a year ago, or even a few months ago, he would’ve lashed out, too afraid to lose her, but too proud to admit it.    
  
Her accident had taught him that no matter where she was, whether it be in the office next to his or miles away, she could be gone in a matter of seconds.    
  


And that was the scariest thing in the world.    
  
Losing a client, getting threatened or even something happening at the firm didn’t make him feel as afraid as Donna’s accident had.    
  
Sitting in that ICU room and staring at her motionless form was a sight that scarred him for life. Back then, he vowed to himself that whenever she woke up, he would support her and be by her side no matter what. And this is the time that she needs him to be supportive, not scared.    
  
But then again, a small part of him wonders, what if this really is it? What if she's really leaving him?

  
It might feel like hours or even days, but in reality, it’s just a minute or two that has passed before Harvey realizes that Donna is still waiting for an answer.    
  
Clearing his throat, and shaking his thoughts away, he responds with a question: “What do you mean?”    
  


Donna releases a deep breath. “I just feel like I want to do something other than just sit here and wait for my memories to come back.” At that, Harvey raises his eyebrow but doesn’t say anything, because he knows her. He knows that she needs to get this off her chest. Instead, he lets her continue. “We both know that they clearly aren’t!” 

“Is that how you feel?” Harvey asks, trying to understand her point of view. This was new for him. He didn’t think that she felt like this. From what he’s researched, he knows that it could take months or even years before her memories come back, so her expressing her feelings about it is progress.    
  
“Yes!” She raises her voice a little. And Harvey thinks that it sounds almost like a relief. As if she is feeling lighter just from expressing her feelings.    
  
“Then we can do something about it. Maybe you can come back to the fir…,” Harvey tries to suggest but seeing the slight sparkle in her eyes, he stops mid-sentence. He knows it’s pointless. She has made up her mind and won’t budge no matter what he says.   
  
“That’s the point, Harvey. I don’t think that me coming back to the firm will suddenly make my memories come back. I just want something new. Something different.”   
  
And his own memories flood back again. Harvey can’t help himself and asks: “Something more?”    
  
“Yes.” Donna nods.   
  
“And you think that going back to the theater is that something more?”    
  
“I don’t know! But what I do know is that I’d like to feel like myself again.” She pauses. “I haven’t felt like myself throughout all of this. And it’s freaking me out. I just want to be me again, Harvey.”    
  
“Donna—” Harvey starts but is cut off by her. 

“You know that you can’t change my mind, Harvey.”    
  
“I know.” Harvey feigns annoyance, but his signature grin makes an appearance nonetheless.“ That’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I can’t wait for you to kick ass again!”    
  
“What?” Donna is stunned. _   
_ _   
_ “What do you mean what?” His brows furrow in confusion.   
  
“It’s just. You were never normally this understanding. What happened?” She wonders out loud.   
  
“I grew up.” Harvey jokes.    
  
Donna rolls her eyes. “Yeah. To be an idiot.”    
  
Harvey just grins. Then he teases: “So does that mean that we won’t have our dinners anymore?”    
  
“I don’t know. I probably won’t have time between auditions and late-night performances...” Donna trails off which makes them both burst out laughing.   
  


A moment passes before Donna becomes serious again. “You’re moving out, though.”    
  
_ Oh, God.  _ He hadn’t thought about that. For the past few weeks, her apartment has become a place where he spends almost all of his time. He knows that if he stays at home, he would be way too worried. He knew that he would have to go back to his apartment at some point, but he didn’t think that it would be this soon. 

“Are you tired of me already? It’s been what? A few weeks? I’m hurt.” Harvey places his right hand on his chest in mock hurt. Throwing in a pout for good measure.    
  
“You really are an idiot.” Donna rolls her eyes.   
  
“And you will miss me. Just admit it.”    


**  
** A few weeks have passed since the day she told him and Donna feels great but nervous at the same time. 

After a few failed auditions, way too many tubs of Chunky Monkey, and dozens of pep-talks, it was time for her to try again. Martha, in Edward Albee’s “Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf” in an off-Broadway production, might be challenging and unusual at first, but there is something about the 52-year-old wife of a college professor that speaks to Donna and tempts her to try her luck. The fact that it is a revamp of sorts with a new, younger cast is what makes her slightly less worried. As a young Tisch graduate, she always dreamed of making it to Broadway someday in the future. But then things happened and she found herself immersed in the legal world.    
  


She is going into the audition with mixed feelings. She is afraid that it might have been too late for her acting career to flourish again. She isn’t the young girl anymore who touched down in the Big Apple with big dreams and a degree in her hand. She is a woman in her early 40’s who’s lived through quite a life. 

  
She’d done plays before, but that doesn’t stop her from feeling anxious and worried about the outcome, but she knows that no matter the result, her friends would be there to support her.    
  
And with that mindset, she goes to her audition. After it’s done, she makes her way outside, and just like all the other times, Harvey is there waiting for her with a big grin on his face, ready to take her for lunch.    
  
A week or so later, she is sitting in her living room, having a girl’s night with Rachel, when all of a sudden, her phone starts to ring. It’s the casting director. She picks up and listens to what he says, and a huge smile breaks out on her face. She got the role. She thanks him and ends the call. Rachel leaps into her arms with an excited scream. Both women celebrate throughout the night with a bottle of champagne.   
  
That is only the beginning though.   
  
Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and before she knows it, it is opening night. Thankfully, everything goes without a hitch and she is pretty excited to experience the high that comes with acting again.    
  
As she steps onto the stage and recites her lines, the endorphins rush through her veins as she spots some of the familiar faces in the audience. Seeing Mike, Rachel, and even Louis watching her with awe and big smiles is great, but seeing Harvey’s big Cheshire smile and twinkling eyes? That is what ignites a weird familiar feeling deep inside of her and causes her eyes to twinkle with emotion. It also makes it hard for her to maintain her focus.   
  


It feels right being on stage, supported by the people that she loves… As if it is something she was meant to do for the rest of her life.

  
As much as he tries to accept this new arrangement, Harvey is struggling.   
  
Being alone is something he is used to at this point in his life. But it feels so different now. It feels like he is meant to be somewhere other than his empty and cold apartment. 

Weeks spent by Donna’s side have made him realize something that he thought wasn’t possible. 

Something has changed. 

  
And after coming back home, he realizes what that is.    
  
Whenever he looks around his apartment, almost everything he sets his gaze on reminds him of her. The hallway, where she would just randomly stroll down and call him out on his bullshit, the cactus that is sitting on his coffee table, or the notes that she would leave for him on the kitchen island whenever he returns from a business trip. Those, he stores next to his ties because he doesn’t have the heart to throw them away.    
  
She is freakin’ everywhere. Whether it be physically or mentally. But the one place that she isn’t at, is her office next to his. It bothers him. 

  
She was a part of his professional life for over a decade. Whenever he needed something, he just had to look up from his paperwork and she’d be there, or at the very least in the office next to his. Not miles away in a theater.    
  
As much as he supports her, there is a part of him - the selfish part of him - that needs her to be close by. But he has to be patient and learn how to cope with this new arrangement. Because he knows that he would lose her otherwise.    
  
And he doesn’t want that. Not after what happened. Not when the image of her laying helplessly in a hospital bed, covered in tubes, still haunts him to this day.    
  
That’s why he has to be there for her, no matter what.    
  
Even if it is just by attending plays, taking her out to lunch, and supporting her. 

  
She wanted a fresh start and now that she has it, he has to move on too.   
  
It is a struggle at first, trying to adjust to life without his COO, but he manages to do it. So, when he goes back to work at the office full-time and the clients keep piling up, it gets easier. 

Being busy serves as a good distraction. 

  
During the run of her show, Donna is equally busy. There is always a rehearsal, cast gatherings, something involving her play that prevents him from taking her to lunch. He’s glad when he gets to at least take her for breakfast at Nougatine on occasion.    
  
It’s weird, but, as the weeks pass by, they get used to it. This is their new normal.

**  
** Settling into her new life is quite a journey, but Donna loves every second of it. All the time she spends with her co-stars is great, but some days she finds herself missing her old life. Yes, she has made quite a few friends at the theater, but no one compares to her friends at the law firm.    
  


Everyone there has made their way into Donna’s heart so much so that being without them feels weird. Yes, she sees Rachel, Mike, and Louis whenever she has the chance, but somehow that isn’t enough.

Then there is Harvey. Who comes to every play - or at least he tries to. He takes her to a restaurant after rehearsal and spends the nights listening to her talk about the play for hours on the phone. 

Yet, somehow, that isn’t enough. 

The time that he spends at her apartment is great. She gets to see a new side of him. And it surprises her. Never in her life did she think that she’d get used to sharing her home with someone like that. She didn't think it was possible. And maybe that’s why she'd always lived alone. Without roommates or a boyfriend.    
  
But living with Harvey is different.    
  
He might have been her boss, but over the years he’d become more.    
  
And she misses him… Their conversations at night, sharing meals, teasing... It just wasn’t the same.   
  


It’s been a few days since she last saw him. His case turned out to be more than what they thought it was in the beginning, and he spends more time at the office than usual. It’s why Donna finds herself in the elevator of Specter Litt. She wants to surprise him today.    
  
It’s her first day off in weeks and she figures she’ll take him out. He needs it anyway. He is way too overwhelmed with work lately, and Donna knows that if she doesn't do something about it, it could end badly.    
  
So, that’s why she’s on her way to his office now.    
  
At first, she is quite nervous stepping into the office again. But as the elevator gets closer to the 50th floor, her nerves dissipate and a bright smile finds its way on her face, and she lets out a breath of relief.   
  
  
  


This is the place where everything happened. Where Harvey’s career skyrocketed. Where she found herself. Where their friendship grew.   
  
That’s exactly what she is hit with as she steps off the elevator. A wave of nostalgia and a feeling of warmth.   
  
She is home and everything around her feels familiar.   
  
Until it doesn’t.   
  
Her eyes fall on the sign before her and she involuntarily lets out a little gasp.   
  
_Specter Litt._ _  
_ _  
_As much as everything around her evokes a memory, there’s still so much that has changed from what she could remember. She isn’t working here anymore. She isn’t a secretary anymore.  
  
She’s just Donna.   
  
And since the last time she was here, everything has changed.   
  
From the sign before her, her work, her memory, to how she feels when she crosses the threshold of the firm.  
  
Everything that she once knew feels different. _Is_ different. It’s new.   
  
She used to roam these halls confidently as if the world revolved around her. But now? Now, she’s making her way to Harvey’s office like a kid in a new place. Curious to see what has changed and what hasn’t.   
  
But as she nears his office, she sees that almost nothing has changed. There is still chaos around her, lawyers trying to solve cases and probably failing, paralegals, and associates working frantically. Everyone seems busy. Like always. Which is why she hopes that Harvey wouldn’t be that busy right now, because she knows that he won't budge from his office if he is.   
  
Finally reaching her destination, Donna smiles at the sight before her. There, in his office, Harvey sits behind his desk, with his head buried in documents completely oblivious of the noise around him.   
  
Smirking to herself, Donna slowly crosses the threshold of his office, hoping he won't notice her. But he does.   
  
“You got tired of being an actress, missed working for me and that’s why you’re here. You want to come back, right?”   
  
Hearing that, Donna rolls her eyes and gives him a pointed look. “I’m not coming back and you know it.”   
  
“You say that now.” Harvey’s face looks so serious that it makes Donna almost let out a giggle. “You’re an idiot.”   
  
Quickly signing a document, Harvey looks at her again. “What are you doing here? I thought that you had a rehearsal or something…”   
  
“That was yesterday. I have a day off.” She sees him have a realization of sorts before she continues.“And that’s why I’m taking you out to lunch.”   
  
“But I have a mee—”   
  
“You don’t.” Before he can question it, Donna throws him a look that shuts him up. 

Instead, he teases her. “You see, my secretary used to remind me of that kind of stuff, but she left…”    
  
Donna rolls her eyes at him. “Come on, Pretty.”   
  
“Where are we going?”    
  
“Quattro Gatti. You’re paying.”    
  
“Should have guessed. You’ve been talking about that place since it opened up a few weeks ago.” With that Harvey stands up, grabs his suit jacket, and starts making his way towards the glass doors. “Let’s go then.” Donna follows him, but before they leave the office, she stops him. He turns in her direction with a questioning look.    
  
“Can we go the other way?” At Harvey’s confused look, she elaborates. “I want to see if Mike and Rachel can join us.”    
  
Harvey doesn’t protest or question it, and with that, they head towards Mike’s office. That is until Donna’s eyes stumble upon something…    
  
_ Donna Paulsen, Chief Operating Officer _ _   
_ _   
_ Seeing that engraved on the glass doors, she freezes in her spot and turns to Harvey. 

“What’s this?”    
  
“That. Erm… You see…” He hesitates.   
  
“Harvey. What is this?” Donna asks once again with a raised eyebrow. There’s a silence that follows her question. Harvey looks like a kid caught with a hand in the cookie jar. And that makes Donna wonder.  _ Why the hell is he so hesitant to tell her about it?  _

  
But then, after what feels like forever, Harvey breaks the silence with something that makes her even more curious. “It’s your office.”    
  
What has she missed? Why is there an office with her name on it? She’d only ever been a legal secretary. Nothing more. However, apparently, she’d been promoted. To a COO no less.    
  
How the hell did she get it? What had prompted Harvey to give her such a position?    
  
It’s the way he says it that makes her spiral into a place where she wants to remember everything and just  _ know _ . The tone of his voice and the pride in his eyes. Especially the eyes… It makes her feel like she’s seen that look before. She just doesn’t know where.    
  
But then, she experiences a lightbulb moment. 

  
_ ”You’re gonna make a hell of a COO.” _ **  
** _   
_ Suddenly she remembers. How he was hesitant to give her what she deserved but knew that she would make the best goddamn COO they had.    
  
“Donna?”    
  
It’s his voice again that breaks her out of a trip down memory lane. And a familiar feeling comes back. She feels angry because he failed to mention it. He didn’t tell her about her career change. And that’s what she accuses him of once she meets his gaze.   
  
“You know why.”    
  
That angers her more. “Don’t. Don’t give me that bullshit about me remembering everything on my own. It’s not just a small thing, Harvey! This is a crucial part of my life. Which you have failed to mention. Why did you do that?”    
  
Harvey looks like he’s thinking for a second before he replies with: “Because I didn’t want you to think about the firm. You got back into acting and you’re happy. It’s where you found yourself again. And I didn’t want to tamper with that.”    
  
“You could have just said it, you know? You could have just said that I am a COO instead of just a secretary.”    
  
“But I-” 

Before he can say anything more, Donna interrupts him. “I think that it would be best if I went home right now. I need to process this.” And with that, she leaves him standing there, before her office, with a bewildered look.    
  


Almost a week later, Donna finds herself in her element again. Being on stage is always a place of escape for her. This time is no different…   
  
After what happened at the firm, she went home, got dressed in comfortable clothes, poured herself a glass of wine, and thought about everything. She overanalyzed the past few months. Looked for every hint that could have told her  _ something. _

_ Why the hell did he not tell her? _ _   
_ _   
_ Why couldn’t he tell her the truth? Why did he hide it? 

  
She hates that he makes her feel like that. He is… Harvey. And she trusts him with everything. Yet somehow he’d failed to mention one of the most important parts of her life.    
  
_ Why didn’t she ask more questions about everything?  _

She hates it. Being angry with him. She’s always hated it. But somehow, she hates not talking to him even more. Because that’s what she does once the anger subsides a little. She ignores him. Every call, every massage. She doesn’t return any of them. 

  
But then, she gets back into acting and her mind gets preoccupied. She doesn’t have time to think about Harvey or the firm, or whatever else she doesn't know. She is in her safe place - somewhere where she could just pretend that nothing’s happening. And that’s what she does for almost a week.   
  
And it kills her.    
  
Because she misses him. As much as she is angry with him, she knows that it isn’t entirely his fault. And he doesn't deserve the treatment she is giving him. No matter how much she thought he did.    
  


She wants to break the ice and mend their relationship by apologizing. Right after her play, she plans to go to his apartment and talk it out. 

  
The play was a success yet again. Everyone in the audience seemed to love her performance if the standing ovation was anything to go by. It made Donna really happy.    
  
So much so that she decided to change her destination tonight. She wanted to celebrate with  _ him. _ But in order to do that, she had to make things right with him first…

  
Putting her coat on, she closes the door of her dressing room and heads outside. Once there, she looks around and ponders over choosing a cab or walking to Harvey’s. Since it’s a longer route, she chooses the cab. But before she could hail one, a voice interrupts her. 

  
Turning around, she looks around in the sea of people and that’s when she notices her. Blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and a scarf around the woman’s neck. She seems familiar, but Donna doesn’t know who this woman is.    
  
_ As if she never saw her before. _

But what surprises her even more is the fact that this stranger before her closes the distance between them with a slight smile on her face and Donna’s name on her lips.    
  
“Donna?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back! I know that I haven't updated in a while, but I just wanted to take some time to write a few chapters in advance, so that way I won't fall behind again... and yet that didn't go as planned because life got in the way.. So, I just want to apologize if the updates are so slow. :) Hope you will enjoy these next few chapters and I'm sorry for taking too long to update. I'm hoping to get on a schedule, but no promises :) -Jane


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! First of all, Happy 2021! Hope you have a good year despite everything that's going on. I'm so sorry for not updating this sooner, but you know how writer's block is.. :) Anyway, here's the penultimate chapter! Hope you'll enjoy! -Jane

_ But what surprises her, even more, is the fact that this stranger before her closes the distance between them with a slight smile on her face and Donna’s name on her lips.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Donna?” _

* * *

Looking back at the woman before her, Donna clears her throat and raises her eyebrow. ”Who are you?” 

There is nothing else she could do, really. 

This woman before her is quite familiar, but at the same time, Donna can’t remember ever seeing her before. As if all the memories of meeting her faded away. Which they have,  _ obviously,  _ but Donna is sure that she’s met this woman before. There’s a feeling of something she can’t describe that comes over her when her gaze settles on the blonde before her - something that makes her tense up a little as the woman approaches her. And that’s why Donna repeats her question. 

The stranger looks slightly confused and somehow taken aback. But then, as if a realization strikes her, she mumbles something under her breath that Donna can hardly decipher. The woman spoke up: “I’m sorry, I forgot about your condition.”    
  
Donna raises her eyebrow at that. She’s heard this sentence far too many times in the last few months, and it still sounds way too strange to her. She also developed a hate of sorts towards it. Which clearly shows in the way she frowns a little. 

That gesture only causes the other woman to smile. “I’m Paula.” 

Despite feeling like she heard that name before, Donna is still confused. This only prompts Paula to specify: “Harvey and I used to date.”    
  
“Oh, really?” Donna wonders.    
  
“Yes. We dated for a while…,” Paula trails off, unsure of how much the redhead knows.    
  
“Dated?” Donna asks, confused.    
  
“Yes.” Paula begins to retell the story of how she and Harvey met, the journey they’ve been on, and how they had to end things suddenly. Of course, for obvious reasons, she skips all the details that could upset either one of them. After all, that isn’t her story to tell. 

Once she heard everything, Donna tries to grasp every information she can. It’s quite a lot to take in at first, but she tries. Letting out a deep breath, Donna looks at Paula with a raised eyebrow. “Why did you break up?”    
  
Paula hesitates at first. But she tells her anyway.  _ She deserves to know.  _ “It didn’t work out between us.”    
  
“How come?”    
  
“He doesn’t know this, but when you were in a coma, I went to the hospital to see him and he was sitting there, by your side. I’ve never seen him like that. It was strange...” Paula trails off, as something crosses through her eyes.  _ Is it sadness? Or jealousy?   
  
_ That look only prompts Donna to ask: “What do you mean?”    
  


Paula smiles a little. “He just never felt that way about me.”

"Like what?" Donna scrunches her eyebrows in confusion. 

"Like he would drop anything for me."

Donna’s eyes widen as Paula’s words strike something. At that moment everything goes black as a memory floods through her mind.   
  
_ “Donna, the thought of you going to prison makes me want to drop to my knees.”   
  
_ Suddenly all she can see is herself in Harvey’s office, both of them looking scared as hell, Harvey shaking with fear as he says those words that somehow meant everything to her at that time. 

It’s too much. 

So much so that, as she comes back to reality and sees Paula’s confused look, she can’t do anything other than to mutter, “I’m sorry Paula. But I need to go.”    
  
Paula nods, and with that, they bid their goodbyes and Donna rushes home as more memories of that day play through her mind.

* * *

Ever since she’s closed her front door, Donna’s feels an overwhelming need to scream. Or cry. It doesn’t matter. She is frustrated and she wants to let it out, but she doesn’t know how.    
  
For the first time in weeks, her fingers don’t reach for her phone and dial  _ his _ number. Which was weird, but at the same time understandable - seeing as how her run-in with one of Harvey’s ex-girlfriends went the way it did.    
  
Who would’ve thought that it would be her who told her a piece of something important instead of Harvey?    
  


_ Why didn’t he say anything?  _ Ever since she’s woken up, he’s been hell-bent on not saying a word about her forgotten memories. It felt strange, but Donna knew that Harvey was way too strong-headed to say something that would help her regain her memories back. Instead, he told her things that didn’t matter as much - at least not to her. Not at that moment.    
  
_ “Trial’s set to begin Monday.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ One moment she was livid and hurt about Harvey keeping things from her and the next second, her head flooded with fear as a new memory appeared. With that, her eyes widened, and the silence of the room got replaced by her voice. “Wait, did I go to prison?” 

* * *

  
  


It’s been almost a week since he’s heard from her. Which in reality felt a lot longer, and Harvey doesn’t know what to do.    
  
Ever since they parted, Donna’s last words have been playing on his mind on a loop.    
_   
_ _ “You could have just said it, you know? You could have just said that I am a COO instead of just a secretary.”  _ _   
_   
She was right. He could have told her that way sooner. But he was scared. Of what? He doesn’t know for sure. Is he scared of her knowing their past? Or is he scared of her knowing what came after she became a COO?    
  
He’s not sure.    
  
But he’s sure that he would do it again. Yes, it will hurt, but Harvey knows that the doctor was right. Donna needs to remember things on her own. And if that means that she breaks contact with him, then so be it.    
  
He kind of deserves it anyway. _   
  
_

It’s been almost a week since he’s seen her, and Harvey is getting worried. 

She doesn’t return his calls, doesn’t text back, she doesn’t want to hear from him at all.  _ This isn’t like her at all.  _ _   
_ _   
_ Yes, it has happened once or twice before, but not to this extent. Usually, she would return his calls around day three or four, call him an idiot, scream at him, and they would go back to normal.    
  
Not this time apparently.    
  
Donna doesn’t want to hear from him and it makes Harvey miserable. He misses her.    
  
Lately, their relationship seems to have shifted into something  _ more _ . They are spending more time together. Whether it is an impromptu lunch at his office, or near her theater, or a night in at her apartment, their relationship progressed slowly, but surely into something that makes Harvey’s heart burst with hope. 

But ever since he got a taste of what his life could be like without her, Harvey doesn’t care. Every line that was blurry became clear as a day, and he knows what he wanted - her.    
  
He wanted to take the next step at that dinner, but the redhead beat him to it and changed his plans.

Since then, his mind has been preoccupied with every possible what-if scenario, and the cases he’s thrown himself into, that by the end of the week, his need to unwind has become almost unbearable.    
  
Seeing as Mike was in a meeting with a client, Harvey decides to overcome his fear and do the inevitable.    
  
Encouraged by a drink or two, Harvey sinks down in his chair and picks up his phone. Scrolling through his contacts, his thumb lands on her name. Debating with himself for a moment, Harvey decides to press her number and call her.    
  
Instead of her annoyed voice that he hoped he would hear, he is met with her voicemail.    
  
_ “I'm not here right now, so if you want me to call you back, say something interesting.“ _

* * *

_ This can’t be true. It just can’t. There’s not a chance in hell that I went to prison. Harvey wouldn’t allow that. Right? _

_ But what if that didn’t work? What if I—  _ _   
_ _   
_ Ever since her run-in with Paula and the realization that followed their conversation, Donna’s been in a void full of what-ifs. A part of her is telling her that it isn’t possible - Harvey wouldn’t have let that happen to her. Then there is another part of her that thinks  _ what if I’ve been really prosecuted for something? _ It is a full-on battle that she doesn’t know how to handle.    
  
Her first instinct, as she curls up on her couch, is to call Harvey. But her conscience stops her before she can even dial his number.    
  
After all, he didn’t tell her a thing. Not a goddamn thing. And that’s why she doesn’t know if she can trust him again. He kept everything from her. Every memory that concerned her, he just kept to himself.  _ How could he do that to her?!  _   
  
Was he not trusting her? Or was she not worthy of knowing?    
  
The thought of Harvey withholding something from Donna makes her emotions go nuts. She doesn’t know whether to cry, scream, or throw something. But one thing’s sure, she is mad as hell.    
  
Why?    
  
Because the person that she thought she could trust with her own life makes her question everything at the moment.    
  
She should call him - but she knows that she would just shout at him, and she doesn’t want to do that. As much as she hates him at the moment, she knows that her current hatred will fade away soon.    
  
Because it always has.    
  
And she hates that. The constant grip that he has on her. That always makes her crawl back to him whenever they were fighting, or whenever he did something she doesn’t agree with.    
  
It just always feels like her emotions are a maze she has a hard time navigating through when it comes to Harvey. 

That’s why she needs someone to talk to tonight. Usually, it would be him, but seeing as that is out of the question, her second choice is clear -her fingers scroll through her contacts and stop on Rachel. Hovering over her name for a second, Donna decides to facetime her.    
  
After a ring or two, Rachel picks up.    
  


“Hi, Donna!”  
  
“Hi, Rachel!”    
  
As much as she didn’t want to alarm her friend at first, her voice betrays her. Which Rachel notices. And that’s why she asks: “What’s going on?”    
  
_ Oh, crap. She’s noticed.  _ Trying to brush it off, Donna acts confused. “What do you mean?” 

“You’re acting weird.” Rachel raises her eyebrow. “What’s going on, Donna?”    
  
“Nothing really…” Donna trails off.   
  
Rachel tries again. “Donna…”    
  


Donna huffs out a breath as she rolls her eyes. “Fine. It’s about Harvey.”    
  


Rachel widens her eyes for a second as a smile appears on her face.  _ Not this again.  _ “Really?”    
  


“Well, not really. I met Paula today…”    
  


“Paula?!” Rachel almost screams.    
  
“Yes.” Donna frowns. “I was on my way home and she stopped me. We talked and she told me something….” Then she trails off.    
  
Rachel listens to her friend and then asks: “So let me get this straight. You met Paula. Harvey’s ex. And she told you something that made you remember that?”    
  
Donna nods.    
  


“Oh, Dear.”    
  


There’s a moment of silence between them when Donna asks, all of a sudden: “Did I go to prison?”    
  
“What?” Rachel’s voice gets slightly higher. Then she shakes her head. “No. You didn’t. What made you think of that?”    
  
“There’s just something Paula said that made me remember a conversation I had with Harvey in his office. I remembered him saying something about prison… Rach, I need to know. Did I go to prison?”    
  
“No! Harvey saved the day. As usual. But—”    
  
“What?” Donna frowns.   
  
Rachel becomes silent again. Just for a moment, before she spoke. “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you…”    
  
Donna raises her eyebrow. Her blood slowly started to boil - to a point where she visibly looks agitated. “Cut the bullshit, Rachel. I’m too tired of people keeping things from me.”    
  
Donna’s outburst makes Rachel smirk, for a second.  _ There she is.  _ “Okay. What do you want to know?” 

“Everything!” Donna almost screams.    
  
Rachel chuckles. “Fine.”    
  
****   
  
“Wow.” That’s all Donna manages to mutter once she hears about everything that happened. From Harvey getting the charges dismissed, her leaving him and going to work for Louis, to them not speaking for months.    
  
Rachel smiles. “Yeah, it was a lot. You’ve both had a rough time handling that situation, but you’ve made up in the end.”    
  
Donna contemplates her answer for a second. “So, what are we really?”    
  
Rachel frowns.    
  
“You’ve said that Harvey did everything in his power to protect me from going to prison. Did stuff that he could’ve lost his career for. What does that really mean, Rachel? Are we  _ something?  _ Did something happen between us again, or are we just friends?”    
  
“No. Not that I know of.”    
  
It’s Donna’s turn to look confused. “Then why has it been weird between us lately?”    
  
At that Rachel lets out an involuntary chuckle. “Honey, it’s been weird for years!”    
  
“That’s the thing, Rachel. This, whatever it is, is different.”    
  
“How?”    
  
“It’s like he’s pulling away from me.”    
  
“Can you blame him? You’ve been ignoring him for a week.” Rachel murmurs something.    
  
“What?”    
  
“He’s probably tired of waiting.”    
  
“For what?”    
  
Rachel raises her eyebrow. “What do you think?”    
  
Donna’s silent.   
  
“Donna, Harvey’s crazy about you. Whenever there’s something that concerns you, he goes batshit crazy. You don’t see that anywhere. He’s a strong lawyer, who can win anything. And whenever something happens to you, he becomes so small and fragile and vulnerable.”    
  
Hearing Rachel’s words, Donna’s eyes start to glisten with moisture.    
  
“I know that deep down, you feel the same.” Donna frowns. Which causes Rachel to ask: “What? Was that supposed to be some big secret?”

“Yes! No. I have no idea anymore, Rachel. Everything that I knew has disappeared...”    
  
Rachel cuts in with a quip. “Not everything. You still remember everything that happened before the case.” That causes Donna to roll her eyes as she continues: “Do you think he knows?”    
  
“You remember how he used to be? Well, you don’t see that guy since the accident happened. Why do you think that is?” Rachel pauses, looks at Donna’s stunned face, and continues: “He’s in love with you, Donna. Every play, dinner, everything that he’s done for you over the years shows that he’s in love with you. So much so that he’s waiting for you.”    
  
“Rachel…”    
  
“I know that you’re dealing with everything, but you know that he won’t wait forever.” Rachel gives her a pointed look. “Unless you’re okay with you two being like this, and him pulling away.”    
  
Donna stays silent for a moment. Rachel’s statement having too much of an impact on her. “But what if I don’t know what I want anymore?”    
  
“Then you need to hurry up and figure it out, because like I said, Harvey won’t wait forever.”    
  
“I just— I don’t want to lose what we have… or what we had, you know?”    
  
“And what is that exactly?”    
  
“A friendship.”    
  
“No. What you and I have is a friendship. With you and Harvey it feels like a holding pattern. You once told me that you two slept together, and ever since you’ve been wondering what a relationship with him would’ve felt like. You’ve been circling around each other for almost a decade and a half. How long can you do that before the fuel runs out?!”    
  
Once Rachel sees that Donna is thinking about something, she says: “Just promise me that you’ll think about it, okay?”    
  
“I will.” Donna nods as she sees Rachel look at something off-screen.    
  
“Mike’s here, I’m sorry to cut this short, Donna. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”    
  
“Okay. Tell Mike I said hi! Bye Rachel.”    
  
“Bye Donna!”    
  
With that, they end the call and Donna lets out a deep breath. A few seconds pass before her phone starts buzzing, indicating a new voicemail.  _ From Harvey.  _ Debating whether or not to open it, Donna decides to do so.    
  
“ _ I hope that you’re okay. It’s been almost a week since I heard from you and I’m getting worried. Please, text or call me as soon as you hear this.” _

* * *

_   
_ _ A voicemail?! A freaking voicemail?! That’s all I get?  _ _   
_ _   
_ Encouraged by the alcohol in his system, Harvey feels his raging emotions almost explode as he hears the call go to voicemail. 

It’s been almost a week since Donna last returned any of his phone calls or texts. Almost a week of no Donna, and Harvey is getting fed up with it. This is why he picks up his phone and decides to call her once again.    
  
Last time they were like this, he had his secretary try to get in contact with her. But he knows better now.    
  
He hopes that today will be different. That after all the unanswered texts and calls, she will finally pick up and Harvey will hear her voice. Find out if she’s okay, or if she’s mad, or if she’s ready to forgive him.    
  
He just needed his worries to go away.    
  
Though that’s the thing with Donna and being worried about her. It’ll always be there, no matter what.    
  
And that’s why he has been overthinking everything and anything, throwing himself into work, and Harvey is getting way too exhausted.    
  


He knows that keeping things from her will come with a consequence - it always does. But he doesn’t think that it will matter. The situation has changed. They weren’t just a boss and his secretary. Donna was his friend - even more than a best friend, and he doesn’t want to keep things from her. But he also wants to follow doctor’s orders.    
  
And that got him into trouble with the one person he cherishes the most.    
  
So much so, that he didn’t think he could be this miserable without her. Yes, it had happened once before, but that was different.    
  
He wasn’t aware of his feelings then. Everything he’s feeling now wasn’t there before. And that’s why this time is way worse.    
  
Harvey wants to keep an eye on her. Be there for her, and take care of her while she recoveres. But he can’t do that anymore, because she cut him out. It hurts.    
  
He wants to forget about everything tonight and just get lost in alcohol with his friend. But Mike didn’t, and that’s what prompts him to pick up his phone again and call Donna.    
  
Filled with hope and a lot of scotch, Harvey is getting excited to hear her voice again, but after a few rings, he is met with her voicemail.  _ Yet again.  _   
  
Rolling his eyes, Harvey cleares his throat before he speaks into his phone: “I hope that you’re okay. It’s been almost a week since I heard from you and I’m getting worried. Please, text or call me as soon as you hear this.”   
  


Once finished, Harvey puts his phone on the table and settles back into the couch with a sigh.    
  
_ Everything’s my fault. I should’ve told her sooner about that. Goddamnit! Why am I such a coward?!  _ _   
_ _   
_ Taking another sip of his scotch, Harvey thinks back to the day it happened.    
  
_ Why did they have to go through that corridor?! Why did she have to look at her office?! Why?!  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Why the fuck was he such an idiot?!  _ _   
_ _   
_ If only there was a way to take everything back. To somehow begin again. And that’s when his eyes widen as a realization dawns on him.  _ He has to fight more for her. _ Without thinking, and encouraged by another tumbler, Harvey picks up his phone and decides to text her.    
  
_ Hey, I know it's getting late, but can I come over? _ _   
_ _   
_ A few minutes after he sent that - which felt a lot longer - Harvey’s phone buzzes with a reply.    
  
_ Maybe next time? I’m way too exhausted today.  _

Deciding to let it go for tonight, and to let himself sober up, Harvey replies with:  _   
  
_ _ Okay. Goodnight, Donna.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Goodnight, Harvey. _

* * *

Just like he thought, she doesn’t want anything to do with him.  _ It’s too late.  _

**  
** _ Goodnight, Harvey. _ _   
  
_

After ending her call with Rachel, Donna decides to go to bed early. Picking out her pajamas from her closet, she retreats to the bathroom, where she takes a shower. Once she is done, and dressed, she makes her way to the bedroom and lays down in her bed. As her body hits the mattress the exhaustion disappears just as her phone pings with a message from Harvey.    
  


As much as she wants to reply and bury the hatchet between them, Donna needs to come to terms with her discovery on her own first.    
  
Though, that doesn’t mean that she can’t speak to someone else about it. And that’s why she tells Rachel everything. At first, she hoped that her friend will help, but she didn’t expect her to open Pandora’s box either.    
  
But then again, Rachel always has the power to do that.    
  
As much as she loves the brunette, Donna kind of hates what her words did to her once they ended the call.   
  
_ Was Harvey really crazy about her? That can’t be true, can it? Has he ever done something to hurt her on purpose? Not that she knows of.  _ _   
_ _   
_ Harvey is a good man, and Donna knows that. He would never hurt her on purpose. In fact, he always does, or tries to do, quite the opposite. Whenever there is something that’s concerning her, he is there to solve it. Without knowing, Harvey always puts a smile on her face.  **  
**   
Whether it was by bringing her a cup of coffee during one of their late nights at the DA’s office, taking her out for shopping trips and dinners, or taking care of her in the hospital, Donna always appreciated his effort to make her rainy days brighter.    


Not only is he a good man, but he’s also a great lawyer, who always rose up to the challenge. Which Donna always thinks is great. It makes him successful and feared pretty quickly. And maybe that’s slightly one of the reasons why she made the decision to relocate to his desk. He knew what he wanted career-wise and Donna needed someone like that.    
  
It’s the reason why they worked perfectly in sync.    
  
They’ve always been a team, no matter what was going on. Because, as Harvey once said,  _ loyalty is a two-way street.  _ So, whenever one of them was on the line, the other followed. When Harvey got to Pearson Hardman, when Donna got rid of the memo and they had a mock trial, or all the other times… There was always someone who would drop everything for the other one.    
  
“ _ Donna, the thought of you going to prison makes me want to drop to my knees.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ She sits up..  _ What the hell was that?!  _ She freezes, her body is covered with goosebumps, and her eyes widen.    
  
_ Was she remembering something again?  _   
  
_ “Harvey this is my life!”  _ _   
_ _   
_ She can see them in his office, both looking distraught. From what she can remember Harvey looked way too focused at first - like he always did when it came to trials. But this was different. This was her - and from what Rachel told her, the case was way too important to him.    
  
As more moments from that night flash before her eyes, Donna remembers how scared she was of being found guilty. So much so, that her faith in Harvey’s capabilities somehow disappeared. But it was when he voiced his fears that Donna truly saw how he really felt.    
  
He was scared, too. Maybe even more than her. The timbre of his voice clearly showed her that this meant more to him than anything else. His stance - as if he was preparing for a battle, rough and focused, but at the same time small and lost from the moment she stepped into his office.   
  
When Rachel told her about it, Donna thought that it was just something they’ve dealt with for a while and brushed it under the rug after. But now that the memories of that time come back to her, she knows that it was different.    
  
Just like when Harvey told her that he was too scared of the possibility of her going to prison.    
  
When he said that, Donna felt something break inside of her.    
  
Harvey Specter doesn’t do affection. He doesn’t make statements like that just because. So, when he said that the thought of her going to prison made him want to drop to his knees, Donna knows that it means something.  _ It has to.  _   
  
_ Does it mean that he loves her?  _ Maybe.  _ Does it mean that his feelings for her are that deep?  _ Who knows.    
  
Looking at it with a new perspective, Donna’s breath hitches in her throat.    
  
_ He really does love her. He has to, right? _ _   
_ _   
_ Being by her bedside for weeks at the hospital, taking care of her at home, all the walks, drinks, shopping trips, him coming to her plays... All of that showed her that he does care about her. But that was it. She didn’t think nothing more of it, until now.    
  
Rachel’s words combined with her newfound memories tells her all she needs to know.    
  
Harvey Specter loves her.    
  
The thought of that scares her. Yes, the thought of being in a relationship with him had passed through her mind multiple times over the years, but she knew that he wasn’t ready.    
_   
_ _ But then why did he act that way during that case? _   
  
_ Is there something that she’s missing? Did he confess something to her during that time? Is there really something more between them than what meets the eye?  _ _   
_   
With that thought, Donna feels exhaustion overwhelm her and she falls asleep.   
  


* * *

Waking up, Harvey feels confused.    
  
_ Was he dreaming all of that?!  _   
  
_ Did Donna really reply to him? Did he really mop around and drown in his feelings?  _ _   
_ _   
_ Yesterday was a weird day, that’s for sure. Work was getting out of hand, he had no one to talk to, and when he wanted to have a night out with someone, he got ignored.    
  
No wonder he reached for the bottle of Macallan. It seemed like his only escape these past few days. No, he isn’t someone who drinks until he passes out, but yesterday everything came crashing down, and Harvey needed to escape. So, he drank - way more than he should have. He drank away his pain. He drank so much that he doesn’t even remember passing out on the couch.    
  
Which is where he finds himself the next morning with a raging headache, no less.    
  
_ He shouldn’t have drank that last glass.  _   
  
But then Donna texted him and all he felt was pain. _ No one wanted him. _ At least that was what his alcohol-induced brain thought last night. 

Shaking his head at that, Harvey tells himself to stop overthinking as he looks through his messages,  _ just in case, _ and then he decides to pay Donna a visit when he sees their last exchange. 

Getting off the couch with a newfound purpose, Harvey takes a shower, gets ready for the day, and eats something to soothe his hangover.    
  
_ After all, he needs to have his mind as clear as possible.  _

This is Donna, and he needs to get her back, and he needs to do it in person. Because this time the call, nor the text helped.    
  


****

Getting off the elevator, Harvey sighs. 

_ Is this a good idea?  _   
  
After everything that happened in the last few days, Harvey needs to see her, but he isn’t sure if it is the right move. 

_ Will she be okay with him coming over like that?   
_ _   
_ She wasn’t responding to any of his phone calls, text, or even his voicemails. Apart from last night’s reply, there was nothing from her. And Harvey is getting worried. 

_ Is she okay? Does she need something? _   
  
With his mind painting all of the different scenarios, Harvey’s steps quicken. 

As he reaches her front door, he takes a deep breath before he lifts his shaking fist and knocks on her door. Usually, he would’ve rung the doorbell, but he’s in a hurry and the thought of doing that completely slipped his mind. 

A few seconds pass before he knocks again.    
  
A minute or so later, Harvey frowns.    
  
_ Is she even home? Is she asleep? Or did she faint?  _ _   
_ _   
_ Fearing the worst, Harvey decides to use his spare key and enters her apartment. Once inside, he begins his search for her. First, he looks in the living room and the kitchen, but there is no one there. 

As much as he knows that she is probably still sleeping, there is a part of him that thinks something was wrong. 

Because of that, his feet carry him to her bedroom -  _ just in case.  _ _   
_   
Slowly opening the doors, Harvey looks around the room and panicks when he doesn’t see her at first, but then his eyes land on the sleeping figure on the bed and he sighs in relief.    
  
_ She’s okay.  _   
  
He closes her door behind him, and decides to go and sit down on her couch, waiting for her to wake up.   
_   
_ While he waits, his phone rings. Fishing it out of his pocket, Harvey smiles as he sees his mom’s name on the screen. Accepting the call, he greets her with a smile on his face.    
  
“Harvey, Hi! How are you?”    
  
“I’m good. How are you, Mom?” 

“I’m good, too. Listen, Harvey, I wanted to ask if you’re free next week. I wanted to have a little family get together... “ Lily trails off.    
  
Harvey ponders over it for a minute. “Listen, Mom… I can’t.”    
  
“Is this because of our past?” Lily wonders.

“No, Mom. It’s not that,” Harvey says as he hears footsteps coming from the bedroom. “You know I love you, Mom.” 

* * *

Stretching out some of the kinks in her body, Donna awakes with a yawn. Clearly exhausted, she tries to remember what happened yesterday and what caused her to have some vivid dreams. Dreams that she now has trouble remembering.    
  
As she looks around the room, and out of the window, she can see that she slept past her usual wake up time.  _ That’s strange.  _ Then she looks at the clock on her bedside table and sees the time. 10:30 AM.  _ Definitely late.  _   
  
Then she notices her phone flashing with unread messages. Picking it up, she goes through them quickly. A few are from Rachel asking if she is okay, others were from Louis asking her to go mudding with him sometime soon, and then her eyes fall on Harvey’s name.    
  
Opening it up, she sees that he texted her that he is coming over. An hour ago. With wide eyes, Donna rises and rushes into her bathroom. After doing her business, and freshening up, she looks into the mirror and sighs.    
  
_ Is he really coming over?  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Does she want him to come over? _ _   
_ _   
_ Yes. 

After everything that she found out last night, Donna knows that they need to talk. And maybe Harvey coming over means that she doesn’t have to hide anymore. Maybe this will mean that they will be okay once again.    
  
Brushing her hair behind her ears, Donna takes a deep breath and makes her way to her closet. Dressing in a pair of black yoga pants and an oversized white shirt, she makes her way to the living room.    
  
As she exits her bedroom, a faint noise creeps through her apartment that makes her eyebrows shoot up in wonder.   
  
_ What the hell is that? _ _   
_ _   
_ Nearing the living room, the noise geta louder and  _ familiar.  _   
  
_ What is he doing here?!  _ _   
_ _   
_ As she enters her living room, she sees Harvey sitting on her couch, talking to someone on the phone.    
  
“No, Mom. It’s not that. You know I love you, Mom.” She could hear Harvey chuckling as he said it.    
  
Those words make her freeze on the spot though, as something flashes before her eyes.    
  


“ _ You know I love you.”  
_

_ “I’m leaving you, Harvey.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Thank you… For twelve years.” _ _   
_

_ “I’m coming back to you, Harvey.”  
  
_ _ “I want more.”  
  
_ _ “I’m dating Paula.” _

_   
_ _   
_ “Oh my God.” 


End file.
